The Soul of An Artist with Lauren Mariasoosay
SHOW NOTES
In today’s episode, Lauren Mariasoosay discusses:
The challenges and fulfillment she experienced when crafting the role of Catherine Parr
The importance of vulnerability in theater and dealing with imposter syndrome
The impact of performances on both performers and audience members
The importance of swings and how difficult the job is
How family influence can affect one’s career choices and the importance of finding support outside of traditional family structures
Body image, finding routines, and caring for your wellbeing
Lauren Mariasoosay is an actress, singer, and dancer who is currently playing Eliza in the Hamilton Angelica 2.0 Tour! She previously performed in the original Canadian cast of SIX The Musical as Catherine Parr after being on the national tours of Aladdin and CATS. Lauren worked at the Disneyland Resort as a Dance Swing and Principle Vocalist whilst getting her BFA in Musical Theatre at Cal State Fullerton.
Lauren has spent a huge part of her career creating representation for south asian and mixed-race folks in the industry and is hoping to inspire more to join her on the way. She loves to paint, read, and make playlists when she isn’t screlting her face off for a living!
Follow along on Lauren’s journey: @laurenmariasoosay
TRANSCRIPT
Jessica
Hello and welcome to The Story Project. Today’s guest is Lauren Mariasoosay. an actress, singer, and dancer who is currently playing Eliza in the Hamilton Angelica 2.0 Tour!
She previously performed in the original Canadian cast of SIX the musical as Catherine Parr after being on the national tours of Aladdin and CATS. Lauren worked at the Disneyland Resort as a Dance Swing and Principal Vocalist whilst getting her BFA in Musical Theatre at Cal State Fullerton.
Lauren has spent a huge part of her career creating representation for south asian and mixed-race folks in the industry and is hoping to inspire more to join her on the way. She loves to paint, read, and make playlists when she isn’t screlting her face off for a living!
In today’s episode, Lauren discusses crafting the role of Catherine Parr, vulnerability in theater, imposter syndrome,, the importance of swings, finding support outside of traditional family structures, body image, and doing what you need to do for your wellbeing.
Please enjoy this conversation with Lauren Mariasoosay…
Okay, hi Lauren.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Hi Jess, how are you?
Jessica
I am so good, how are you?
Lauren Mariasoosay
I'm alive, we're here, we're well.
Jessica
Mm-hmm. We were just talking about how it's gloomy in our respective places that we're in right now. So you're in Toronto and I'm outside of Boston and we also both have our glass coffee moments together. We're twinning a little bit. Yeah, so I want to start off by just asking you, where are you now? I mean, I just said Toronto, but where are you now? What are you doing now? And how are you right now? Like, let's start right here.
Lauren Mariasoosay
I am obsessed with that. I love that. We are turning.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Oh my gosh, so I am, yes, I'm in Toronto. I'm actually, I moved here last summer. So it'll be like, oh my gosh, in June, it'll be a year, which is crazy. But I was on the Aladdin tour, hitting the step, kicking the face, doing the spins and the twirls and occasionally going in for Jasmine. And I got six of the musical here in Toronto, which was a gift. And so I moved here. And so I'm still playing Miss Catherine Parr over here in Toronto in six and learning the city, living the city. It's kind of like a mini New York. So it's kind of, you get like a baby piece of home in that way. It's just like a very baby New York. And I'm doing well. It is so gloomy here though. They call it like the gray dome. We had like, like over the winter, we had like, I think it was like 48 days without sun. I know, I know. It is the-
Jessica
That is a nightmare. My jaw just drops for people not watching. Ha ha ha.
Lauren Mariasoosay
The seasonal depression is real for these biddies. But it is, I love this city, it's so cute. And so I'm just sitting in my little apartment, chatting with you, and I have one show tonight at eight, but that's kind of it. The rest of the day is free.
Jessica
So I am totally a six girly. I'm obsessed. I sing it. I work out to it. I
Lauren Mariasoosay
Yes!
Jessica
when I saw it on Broadway, we rushed it and I was in the front row. And I feel like most of those, you don't wanna be in the front row because it hurts your neck and you're too close and you don't see the whole picture. But I was so happy. I was like, and I was wearing a mask because it was still sometime during the pandemic. And so I could just mouth the entire.
Lauren Mariasoosay
stop.
Jessica
show to myself and like absolutely have a blast. And it was a front row concert experience that I want to relive over and over again. I love that show so much. And I want to ask you, how do you how do you feel being in the show? And also, I'm really curious how you crafted your Catherine
Lauren Mariasoosay
How about?
Jessica
multiple iterations before you started, and how did you take that, what was there before, and make it your own, and have your own connection to it?
Lauren Mariasoosay
Oh my gosh, that's such a good question. Also, I'm so glad you got to experience that front row. The queens were probably having a ball with you. We love the front row because they love to be there.
Jessica
It was so fun.
Jessica
I don't think I stopped moving the entire time. Like I felt bad for the people behind me and I try to be respectful because like I know theater, you know, I know you don't want someone bouncing up and down, but also I'm tiny, you can see over my head, it's fine.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Stop!
Lauren Mariasoosay
Also, it's six. Like, it's meant to be a concert, and we're meant to dance and bob and have fun. Like, we love, that is the best part of the show, is seeing people, like, living their lives, getting a wiggle in there. Like, it is, that is the kind of audience member it calls for, so you don't even have to feel bad for a second. I love the show. I hadn't seen it, like, I was just listening to the soundtrack, but the first time I ever heard it, I fell.
Jessica
Good. Fantastic.
Lauren Mariasoosay
in love with it. I think my biggest struggle with Catherine Parr is just like, um, oh, wow, we're getting, I'm already, I'm already getting in there. Wow. So Catherine Parr is usually played by, um, by black women. So like it was for me stepping into that role as like an Indian woman, I was very much like, okay, how do I, like how do I make this my own in a way that like, I can bring some of my culture in there. I can bring some of me to it. And also learn from all these incredible black queens that have been in this role before. How do I figure out my space in it? Which was, thank gosh the creative team is so fierce. I mean, Galia, who was our director, was so amazing. Roberta, our music supervisor, were just so keen for everyone on being just like, we want you in there. Because we saw you in the room, and we want you in that queen. Because anyone can find themselves in any of the queens. Anyone can relate to any single one of them.
Jessica
Mm-hmm.
Lauren Mariasoosay
So for me, it was really about just like stripping her down and whatever preconceived notions I had about par or I've heard about par, I was like, okay, but today she's mine. And how are we gonna pay homage to this wonderful woman who did so much work for women all around the world, not just the UK, not just Britain. How can I pay homage to that, but also bringing in myself and not thinking about how other people have played her. And I think that's also like the biggest thing about theater in general too is like the comparison game and like making sure that when you get a role you're like no I'm gonna play it my way and I don't have to think about the other the other iterations of it as beautiful and as wonderful as they all are I have to find a way to make it my own which is kind of daunting especially with a beloved show like six but the fandom is beautiful they're so sweet like all the
They call them the Queendom, they're so cute. They're just like diehard fans of the show and they love everyone and find something beautiful about everyone. So it really was like a great way to step in to the universe. You're so supported by the team and the cast, but it was definitely a little bit of like an imposter syndrome mental block for me because I was like, ah! I was like, how do I, how do I do this? How do I do this? And it really was just about like. A par was all about being vulnerable and like, uh, you have a, you know, pages of monologue and one follow spot and that's it. You're bare. So I really just was like, okay, I'm gonna, I'm just going to lean into that and make her character about that.
Jessica
Mm-hmm. How did you work through that imposter syndrome? Did it just come through time? Was there a certain moment that you felt like, oh, no, I'm embodied in this role?
Lauren Mariasoosay
It came with, it did come with time. Like it really was about, I had to like look at the script bare and I had to keep reminding myself to be like, whoever you envision in this, it's not, you can't. You just have to look at the words, what they mean to you, what they mean to people and to women and to, and that's all you have to do. And it took so much time. And I think too is that there's like no easy way to battle imposter syndrome. I think there's like a lot of talk surrounding like, oh, you'll get over it. And it's like, no, it rears its head in everything I do a little bit. And it's like my job to be like, okay, no, there's actually one of our standbys in the show said something that I'll carry with me for the rest of my life. Her name's Julia McClellan, such a sweet, such a sweet person. And I remember her saying like, oh, you kind of have to make pals with your anxiety. You kind of have to acknowledge that it's there and make friends with it.
Cause if you push it down, it's going to come back up. So you kind of just got to grab her hand and be like, you got to grab her hand and be like, okay, I hear you. And I see you and we're in this together. How do we move through it? And I think ever since I heard that I was like, oh my gosh, like you can carry that with you in any sort of circumstance. So I really just had to make friends with my imposter syndrome. And I had to be like, I hear you and I see you. And this comes from a place of wanting to care for me. I'm going to acknowledge you're here. But in the same notion, I am meant to be here. And there's a reason why I'm picked. And even though I don't see it quite yet, all these people did. So I have to trust that. There's a lot of trust.
Jessica
And that's so hard. That is so hard. Did you have any moments in the show where either people in your company or fans said something to you that helped highlight like why you were meant to be there and that helped make you feel like you belonged and that imposter syndrome kind of fade away a little bit more, if not completely.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Yeah, I mean, the love we get from the fans is so endearing and they'll message you sometimes and especially for Toronto here, the like, the diversity is vast. I mean, there are people from all walks of life here in a way that, and like I've never been in a place like here, really, to be honest, where I turn around and there's someone from everywhere here lots of immigrant families and young families, college kids, and like, it's just so vast here. So I think like the first time I really realized at least the impact I was making was when I had like kids in college programs reach out and other families that were like, hi, for the first time in my life, I saw an Indian person on stage and I'm 46 years old. And I was like, oh my gosh. The work we do is so important in that retrospect. And to see people that look like me out in an audience, which I usually don't, I was like, oh wow, this is very important to be here right now. This is very special. And the cast too, the wonderful thing about this show is it tends to bring these very powerful, but also very soft and sweet women together. And so I remember being like, oh, I'm a little nervous.
And I think after the first few bouts of rehearsal, our Aragon, who is so fierce, I remember her coming up to me and being like, hey, you're such a sweet storyteller. Everything you do was very earnest and very genuine, and I just really appreciate that. Thank you for bringing that to the room. And I remember, I don't know, I come from a very heavy dance background, so to now step into lead shoes has been so exciting and fulfilling for me, but I'm not used to hearing that sort of feedback from people. So and to hear it from someone that is like a colleague and a friend, I was like, oh, you know, if one person says something, that's all I need. And like our creative team too, same thing. They were just like, thank you for being earnest and genuine and not pushing and just like being vulnerable. Thank you for doing that. And I remember being like, okay, then that's the ticket. That's the ticket. We just, we're gonna speak to people through that and through that lens. And it might not be the way that like, anyone else has played the character, but I'm gonna be my little goofy, vulnerable self. And it will speak to somebody. So that's all that matters. Someone went home with that, you know?
Jessica
Yeah. Oh, I have a few things to respond to with that. So beautiful. Thank you for sharing all of that. I think it really speaks to your values, what matters to you. The fact that the biggest compliment you could get is that you're earnest, honest, vulnerable, being able to go up there in your storytelling in that manner. That is something that is lost with artists a lot of the time, especially in this industry, when it's all about booking a job and audition, and you can lose that part of it. And it's not to dismiss the fact that we do need audition and we do want to make money and we do want productions to go up. That stuff is very valid and it's the reality. But it's about holding on to what matters to you, what you value in yourself and in the community around you as an artist, and that is honest storytelling. And so you stand up there and do the work to bring that out into an audience and therefore and also bring it to the company around you.
And the impact that has on those around you is infinite. It's exponential. You have no idea the impact that can make. You have no idea what conversations one of your audience member might be a little more comfortable having with someone because of something that you shared on a stage. Or you have no idea if you have a company member who may have been having a hard time, but they saw you walk through your discomfort vulnerability and then it made them a little braver. So the impact that your values, not just in what you can bring to the stage yourself, but how that trickles into everybody around you is so impactful. And I feel it just talking to you too, you know?
Lauren Mariasoosay
Yes. Ugh.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Thank you. It's so important. And I feel like, and I mean with Broadway and theater as it is, like we love to hear the girlies scrout and sing down. We love to watch the girlies hit the step, but at the same time, I think like the most impacted I've ever left a theater was when someone just sucked the oxygen out of the room by just like being willing to be vulnerable. And that is like, a lot of people don't understand, like it is hard. And it's scary, but at the same notion, it speaks to people in a different way. I think like the first time I ever felt that was watching like Amber Grey in Hadestown and seeing her as Persephone and watching this like strong woman take the stage and then watching those vulnerable moments where you see the crack.
Jessica
Ugh, yeah.
Lauren Mariasoosay
And you saw, I wept. Like the only time I wept in that show is when Persephone and Hades danced for the first time. Again, I wept. There was something so vulnerable and special and like heart wrenching about that moment. And those moments are hard, but it changes your life. It changes the way you view things. It changes the way you navigate your world. And like, that's what art is meant to do and theater is meant to do. And I think I so agree with you, it gets lost. It gets so lost. We forget our why and like why we do what we do so frequently because the market becomes so saturated. And like we're trying to stay afloat with art and remember why we do it in the first place. It's, uh, and I, that's all I've ever wanted to do is just like give an honest storytelling point of view. And I, I love to sing and I love to dance, but I, I want to.
Jessica
Yeah.
Lauren Mariasoosay
leave someone going home thinking something differently or navigating something differently.
Jessica
And I think it's really important to highlight that you mentioned the diversity that you saw also in your audience, because that is not always the case. In fact, it's rarely the case. So I think that that's really important to highlight because not only is it important that we have diverse casts and companies, which is still a major work in progress.
Lauren Mariasoosay
No. Yeah.
Jessica
but to actually see diversity in the audience. Like I did the Fiddler on the Roof tour and we were like an almost completely white company across the board. And you know, it's a story about Jewish people. And I get that. But also, first of all, that's a whole other thing because most of our cast wasn't even Jewish.
Lauren Mariasoosay
I'm sorry.
Jessica
And so you're, okay, like that's your excuse, but then that's what that, okay, whatever. But across the board, like.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Right.
Jessica
90 something percent of our audience members were white anyway. So we're this white company performing for a white audience. And you're like, what the fuck is all this for? What are we doing here? Wrong. This is so wrong. And so anyway, I just want to highlight that we have to be talking about. How to diversify also the audience, make it accessible because it's not. And I wonder if Toronto in particular is a place where
Lauren Mariasoosay
What are we doing? Yes.
Jessica
It is more accessible, maybe financially, I don't know. If like ticket-wise, it is more accessible, but the fact that you could go out there and also be that vulnerable for an audience that is diverse is also very important to highlight. Is my song, is my.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Yes, the accessibility is such a big problem, I feel like within theater. And it's so crazy, because I don't remember it being that way when I was a kid, it being that hard to like go see a show. What I love about our show is we have like a lottery for $29 and then our rush tickets are 49. So it's more accessible than it could be elsewhere. I I wish for theater to be seen by the people who need to see it and like who crave to see it and I know that that's going to be a long journey. I don't know how we're going to get there. We have to get there somehow because I don't know and there are like the stories of the kids who bought like a balcony ticket or in the nosebleeds and then went home and said I'm going to dance. I'm going to sign up for class but it's like we can give them a better experience than that and I think there's so many kids especially that just deserve to see theater in a way that's affordable to them and their families. I don't know how we're going to do that. I just understand that it's a business and like the further up I get the more I'm realizing oh theater is a business but I don't know there just has to be there has to be a way there's got to be a way to navigate that. The accessibility is such a hard thing.
Jessica
Yeah, I definitely need to get someone on this podcast who actually knows what they're talking about in that because I can say, this used to have been all I want and I'm not the one saying there who has any knowledge about it but it's an important topic to discuss and to keep learning about it pushing forward.
Lauren Mariasoosay
I know.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Yeah.
Jessica
And so you had a dance background, how did you stumble and grow and evolve into the actor and singer that you are now?
Lauren Mariasoosay
Wow, a journey really. I have been dancing since I was three and I did the whole Nutcracker competition team, dance team at school. And I'd always loved acting because in ballet especially, you have your body, but you have to rely on your face and your connection with people. And I found that like later on in life once I was a teenager, I was like, oh, I don't know if I necessarily love the dancing as much as I love the story and as much as I love the narrative and changing people's lives because I am not the best technical dancer. I can get by and I can hit the step and have a great time. It takes me some time but I was never my body just my hips didn't want to do it. My I wasn't yeah like and I wasn't flexible. I could turn and I could jump for days but they don't want the girlies to do that.
That's like...in the dance world, that's for men, to twirl and to jump. And so I just couldn't find a way to fit in that wasn't harmful. That wasn't like me constantly being at the bar, like, oh my God, my hips hurt, I can't turn out. I'm never gonna get my leg past, you know, 100. It's just not gonna happen. I can't do it. I can't, I don't have the ability, I don't have the strength. And so I started realizing the joy I found in dance was impacting people with a story. And so I was like… I think I like acting. I think that's what this is. And I'm gonna explore that realm. I went to like drama camp with my best friend, Sav, who we're still best friends to this day. They had their Broadway debut in 1776. They went on tour with it, but we've known, so cute. We've been friends since we were nine years old. So we're going on 19 years of friendship, which is so cute. We went to drama camp together. I was so scared to sing. I really didn't sing until college.
And I went to, I didn't exactly know where I wanted to fit in, in the acting, singing, dancing universe. So I went to community college in Southern California, cause I grew up in California. I went to community college there and they had a cute little repertory program that fed into the BFA program university there. So I started there and I was like, okay, well I have the dance. I want to take acting and I want to take singing. I just want to start that journey a bit more.
Lauren Mariasoosay
It's saying every day of the week, danced every day of the week, acted every day of the week. And I was like, okay, I think, I think this is what I want to do. Got into a BFA program magically. And I, it was so interesting the shifts because even in like my professional career, like I was on the cats tour. I was like a featured I would say dancer featured principal in a way. It's so interesting how that show works. And I was featured and then covered Grizz and I was 23, 24. So I was like covering the old lady cat, but singing the 11 o'clock number, but also playing another featured at the time. And then same with Aladdin, I was covering Jasmine and the ensemble. So my work had been, the dancer that could sing and act in a way that could cover a role, but they never saw me in those shoes because I went to the dance calls first. So I think once I was in Aladdin, I was like, okay, I'm going to do it. I'm going to stop going to the dance call first and I'm going to see what happens. And I'm going to go to the acting and the singing calls and stand on my own two feet. And we're going to make the stand for ourselves. And my agent and manager were like, heck yeah, let's try it. Let's do it. And then six came along from that.
Jessica
Mm-hmm.
Lauren Mariasoosay
And it was just like a whole journey of me realizing what about dance I loved wasn't necessarily like the technique. I would say the discipline definitely helped me in this career, but it wasn't I was like there's something about this I love I just don't think it is dance. What is it? And then I figured out that and even with singing too what is it that I loved about singing it wasn't the technique it was the storytelling and I found oh so all these all these things share this one thing in common that I love.
Jessica
Mm-hmm.
Lauren Mariasoosay
And then acting became the umbrella to all of that. And I found, and even though they all intertwine, none of them can stand without the acting, truly. That was a very long-winded answer.
Jessica
That's what I mean. I asked you a huge question. I expected a huge answer. It's like, yeah. Okay, so I am obsessed with cats. Okay, I know that's a hot take.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Stop. No, it's okay, I get it. I get it, I get it.
Jessica
I just, so what happened was two of my best friends and I rushed it when it came to Broadway, what was it, 2015 or something like that, 2016 something. And I just loved it so much. I was blown away. How could you not be blown away by that talent? And the criticism of like, what's it about and what's up, I'm like, I don't give a fuck.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Nothing around then. Yeah.
Jessica
give a fuck what Cats is about. Let me just enjoy. And then those two best friends, so one of them, like booked the Broadway show, and he was a swing. So I and I was living with him at the time. So every time he would swing on, I would go see it. I think I saw it like seven or eight times. And then my other best friend was in the tour. And but I think before you. And
Lauren Mariasoosay
Oh my God, lit. Oh my gosh.
Lauren Mariasoosay
probably right before.
Jessica
I got to see him, I was like serendipitously in LA when he was LA and had a last minute swing on. It was insane. Anyway, so I got to see him do that. So I think I saw it nine times total. And that's my most seen, I know, it's my most seen show of all time besides like Fiddler, because I was in it, but I love it. I think it's the talent is unbelievable. The choreography, it's fun.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Oh my gosh, that is so much cats, I'm obsessed.
Jessica
It's, I don't know why I feel like I need to sit here and like pitch cats to people right now, but like people are haters. People are haters and I love it. And when I saw you were doing that you had done cats, I was like, I can't wait to drop the bomb that I love cats. Cause I feel like most people have another approach. I love it. And also my friend, one time we were like having a sleepover and he put the whole like cats makeup on me. So I'm basically a star.
Lauren Mariasoosay
I love it. They are. I love that you love cats. No. Wait. Do you have pictures? Because I need you to send them to me.
Jessica
I do. I do. I'll send them to you. Actually, when I promote your podcast, I'll post them too. I feel like it's about time. I can't remember who he made me, but he did like... Oh my gosh, I used to know all their names. Now I don't, but yeah.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Do you know what? Please! I need to see them! Oh, I mean, it's so also so hard to keep track. How can you, that is so cool that you had two different friends in that show. What was your first show you ever saw?
Jessica
The first show I ever saw, I think, I think I saw a Beauty and the Beast when I was really young. But the first thing I actually remember was Legally Blonde on Broadway. We went for eighth grade, my eighth grade field trip for my chorus class. And it was so good. Legally Blonde is so good.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Wait, that's actually fierce. Yeah. What a good first show. Like it.
Jessica
I know, it is pretty, we were supposed to see Hairspray and then it didn't work out and then we went to Legally Blonde, but like, that was amazing because I don't think I would have seen it otherwise. Cause Hairspray, like I feel like I could have gone with my family or something, but Legally Blonde probably wouldn't have been their first choice. Anyway, what was your first show?
Lauren Mariasoosay
Right. Mm-hmm.
Lauren Mariasoosay
My first show, my first tour show I saw was Cats at the Orpheum in San Francisco, which is so funny that was the first tour I booked that was like, wow, this is crazy. Very full circle. I saw Cats, yeah, and I was so heavily into dance at the time that I was like, how do I get there? How do I do that? Like...
Jessica
Mm-hmm.
Lauren Mariasoosay
And then also being in it too, I was like, wow, I shortened my dance career by five years, honey. Holy drink.
Jessica
Oh.
Yeah, we got to get into that because okay, so when I saw it, so I saw it on Broadway, and I immediately was like, I want to do Rumpleteazer so badly.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Oh, I could see you doing Rumpelteaser. Are you kidding?
Jessica
so badly. And then I did go to a couple, I think I went to a couple auditions for it. And the first one was whatever the second one, it felt more connected. And then they were like, Oh, we're not actually hiring any women right now. But like, thank you for coming. It was one of those. Thank you. And I ended up booking Fiddler. And I really wanted to do Cats. Next.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Please.
Jessica
really, really badly. I can't remember the timeline. I just remember after doing Fiddler and I was swinging and the show is hard on your body, but not crazy hard. And I was like, to do Cats on a non-union tour… I cannot imagine, cause this was hard enough. So please just lay it on me. I got to know. I just got to know what was it like.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Oh wow.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Um, it was wild. I also was very, very wildly unprepared because I do have a dance background and I can dance. But Cats was something that I was like, oh, I'm wildly unprepared for this. So I, as soon as we got into rehearsals, I realized that probably within the first three hours, I was like, oh my God. Okay, I gotta do some work at home. It's...
Jessica
It's next level technique engine.
Lauren Mariasoosay
It really is. And especially, and it's a lot to ask of the featured roles, like for Demeter and Bomba Allurena who are the ones who sing Macavity. It is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. And I covered both. I was Demeter full-time, but I covered Bomb and I covered Grizabella. I covered those two on top of being on stage eight times a week. Which is, you're basically an on-stage swing is kind of what it was.
Jessica
Mm-hmm.
Lauren Mariasoosay
And it was the hardest thing I've ever put my body through in my entire life. And I was also surrounded by these people had like just gotten out of college programs for commercial dance. So I'm surrounded by these people who can dance down. And I remember feeling like I'm here for my voice. I'm here for my voice. I'm here for the voice. I was like, ah, but how do I also show that I am
Jessica
Mm-hmm.
Lauren Mariasoosay
that I can match them. So I learned a lot from the people around me. I like watched how they danced, how they put their energy into things and where they put their energy. I basically learned how to be a better dancer because of my friends by just watching them. And I had to like rise to that occasion. I had to go to the gym even when I was exhausted. But like I couldn't wake up and just show up to Cats rehearsal. I couldn't, I didn't have that training that these kids did.
Jessica
Mm.
Lauren Mariasoosay
I had to work for it. I had to go, I had to wake up early, go to the gym, train, and then come back. And then when I went home, go over all the material and stretch and basically reshape my body to make it ready for cats while I was learning cats. Which was crazy, exhausting. But I really wouldn't trade that experience for the world because it was...
Jessica
exhausting.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Not to say that I like needed to be humbled, but I think that it gave me an appreciation that is unparalleled. I will never have more appreciation for the ensemble than I do after Cats. The ensemble is the hardest job.
Jessica
And that show, you- the ensemble is always doing something. Never pausing. And being on your knees... You're not like cats! You're actually cats! You're cats.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Always. And the dance. And we did... Girl, I know... I know. It's wild. And it took a lot of, like, dropping the ego. Like, I remember being like, oh my God, we're crawling around on the floor in tails. I was like, what am I doing? What am I doing? This is my introduction to my professional career after college. What am I doing right now? And then I remember being like, okay, I just have to commit. I gotta leave the ego. And that show taught me to have absolutely no ego to work really hard and to also I mean like we were doing the revamps version also we were doing the Jillian Lynn and Andy Blankenbuehler choreography so we were not only doing ballet and classic jazz and tap we were also doing a lot more like there's like grooves in there because Andy came in and he was like I'm gonna I'm gonna Hamilton this up a little bit and so you're doing every single style of dance
Jessica
Oh yeah. Hmm.
Lauren Mariasoosay
possible in one show. You have to learn how to be multifaceted very quickly. And be a cat. And on top of it, be a cat. Be in a unitard and be so exposed.
Jessica
and be a cat. so exposed. How is that? Because man, I mean, oh my god, so many things are just popping into my head. But also, like, I've had issues in the past with, and I've talked about it on here with like eating issues and body image issues. And I also like, just from my trauma in dance, like I can't wear tight clothing anymore. Like I cannot wear leggings. So, well, I don't know if you have resonated with any of that at all, but just like,
Lauren Mariasoosay
Yeah. No.
Jessica
being in such an exposed outfit every single day reminds me of in college, wearing tights and a lead shirt every day, which is so hard on your brain regardless. And you're not just doing it in front of a mirror, which is its own issue, you're doing it in front of your audience and your cast and everybody. So what's that like?
Lauren Mariasoosay
That is such a good point. Oh my gosh. And it's so true. That resonates deeply. I mean, I feel like too, and you grew up with dance and like you even said like, you know, doing it in front of the mirror is different than doing it in front of a bunch of people and also peers and strangers and people who are also casting you and judging you. It is, it's spooky. It was spooky. It took me a long time to get used to it. I’m… the body dysmorphia is, it will always be there. There's always a part of my brain that fires. And it's more about like being like, okay, I'm triggered, how do I navigate this? And because the dance world is, I mean like it's getting better-ish, but it's... it's always still based on like when you when you do an art form that's based on lines and technique and shape I don't know what are how much can we do? And especially with something like cats where you literally are in a unitard like okay, I can match these shapes and do these shapes whatever but I'm also the most exposed i've ever been somehow It was a lot it was a lot to navigate and I’m… It's hard and it's hard when you see yourself and Ali, it's hard when you're getting ready, you're like, oh my gosh, like, okay. And the costumes too, like mine was bright yellow with some black stripes. And not subtle. So, and it wasn't flattering either in the way that like.
Jessica
Not subtle.
Lauren Mariasoosay
It didn't taper my body type because it's meant to fit one body type, right? Like all these designs, all these designs were meant to fit the way women were shaped in the 80s on Broadway. Which there was a lot that went into the 80s on Broadway. There was a lot of drugs and there was a lot of alcohol and there was a lot of like, and the body positivity then was also like, I feel like if not worse than just as horrific. So the costumes were designed for one body type and one body type only. And for those of us that are like have a more athletic build, it doesn't taper us well. And for those who are curvier or those who identify or see themselves as heavier, it's like there's a way to make them comfortable, but the costumes just are meant for a specific type of body. And so it was a lot of just...I, there, there are times where I was like, I don't, I can't, I can't, I'm going to do my makeup, I'm going to go get my unitard on and then I'm just going to go stretch where there are no mirrors. Because sometimes it's just like, I don't need to. And some days are worse than others, especially with cats. There were some days that were worse than others. But it, an ongoing journey, especially because we're artists and our, so much of our job is our image and how we're perceived and how we look. It's like when I can get the chance to like turn the mirror around and dim the lights, I will. I don't need to see it all the time, especially in a unitard.
Jessica
Yeah, well, that's you're talking about the expectation of a certain shape and look on two levels. You're talking about it from literally cats has shapes that you need to make with your body. Like it's very particular, the angles, the technique, this and that. And then you're adding the layer of the costume and that unitard.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Jessica
And that adds a whole lot of pressure on you as you're saying, especially because it's not like you just come in there and everyone has different bodies and everyone is celebrated for that and it is what it is. Even if things are unsaid and implicit, you still feel certain pressures. And I think that you see that in a lot of shows and obviously a lot in colleges and programs and things like that, but
Lauren Mariasoosay
Mm-hmm. Yes.
Jessica
a good example of having to take it from both sides of like what you're wearing and what you're expected to do with your body.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Yes. Yes, the expectations are so high. And even like looking at those cats cast, like these people are beautiful. But at the same notion, it is like, oh, there's a standard here and there is a box to check for everything. Our creative team was so sweet and so nice. It really had, It really didn't have anything to do with them. It was more just like this like societal pressure of theater and of art that is like, you have to look and be shaped in a certain way. And cats, especially when you're put in a unitard, you have to do triples with an entire like, you also have a tail which is weighted because it's roped. So it's crazy. I had to learn how to turn a different way. There's a triple or a double in the show in the opening number and I remember all of us having to relearn where our normal center was and where our cat center was. So in cats because the tail is weighted, when you're turning it's whipping. So you have to turn with your core pitched forward a little bit so that you can make room for the weight behind you. So you're learning how to turn like in a crunch in a way.
Jessica
Mm.
Lauren Mariasoosay
It's crazy and the mechanism of that.
Jessica
Was, I know the stage was raked on Broadway. Was it raked for you guys or no?
Lauren Mariasoosay
Thank the gods, it was not raked for us. We just had, I can't imagine, especially the Victoria, which is the white cat who has that whole solo, doing the show on a rake. Cats is hard enough.
Jessica
Okay, good. That'd be a nightmare.
Jessica
Yeah, so actually I'm going to do a shout out because when we're talking about performances that really impacted us, I saw a performer named Maria Briggs on Broadway one of those million times that I saw my friend swing. And I believe she was a swing. I think she was a swing and she was swinging on for Victoria the White Cat. And it was...
Lauren Mariasoosay
Ugh.
Jessica
Because historically and even in the most recent iteration, it's a very balletic expectation for being that white cat. And it's very much like the technician and that's the vibe. And she had that fine, like great, amazing. But what impacted me was her soul. When she danced and she was downstage center.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Mm-hmm.
Jessica
it rocked me to my core. And it was a time where I was just going through so much with the dance and do I want it? Do I not do it? Whatever. And she made me want to dance. Have I danced much since then? No, but still, it's not the point. Still stuff to work through. But the way that she let her soul shine, the way that she took...
Lauren Mariasoosay
Oh.
Jessica
this movement and made it so entirely her own, I like felt it in my cells. Like I was, I was changed. You can't teach that. You can't teach that. And also that's not a given for someone on Broadway. It's not a given for someone given a job. It is not, you're expected to come on here and do the job, especially if you're on a tour and you're exhausted and
Lauren Mariasoosay
Oh, you can't teach that. You can't teach that. Yeah. Yes. Yes!
Jessica
You have to produce, and you just had a travel day and you're going in and you're just like, let me just get this show. Right. But to go and see her radiate and have it impact me so deeply was so powerful. So while, while we're talking about all of this, I just feel like I need to point that out and give her a little shout out. Cause then I also just, she changed me. She absolutely changed me. A hundred percent.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Oh. Oh, she changed you. That's so, oh, that's so special. I think when we see swings too, and like coming from the swing background, like there's something so special when they step on stage because they never know when they're gonna go on or they might get thrown on. And then they get to be in this role and in this space for however long they get to be. And you get like, so many times I've seen swings where I'm like, wow, you radiate on stage. Like you are shining.
Jessica
Yes.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Cause it's so special for them. They never know when they're gonna be on. And it's almost more, sometimes I value that experience in watching them more than I would if it was like the whole main cast on because it's like, I get to see someone be like, oh, I get to step into this role today and I'm so excited. And you see it, you can see it in their show.
Jessica
Yes. And there's also such a sometimes negative thought about swings and like, oh, well, they're not good enough to be in the ensemble. So like that I know so false. So that's someone like kind of insinuated that to me when I was a swing. I know. And, you know, I'll whatever it is what it is. But I feel like swings.
Lauren Mariasoosay
So false. Eww!
Jessica
have superpowers and also the fact that you have to know so much, be ready for so much, maybe you're even being the dance captain, maybe you have so many more roles and one is not better than the other. It's not better to be in the ensemble or better to be a swing, whatever it is. And the fact that she, for example, came and stepped into this position and blew me out of the...
Lauren Mariasoosay
Yeah. Oh.
Jessica
out of the universe. And also now she I followed her since then. And she's also now just done like a million Broadway shows.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Yeah.
Jessica
And I'm like that is someone I am rooting for forever because she deserves that. Like she went on there and you can just like also just tell what people's souls if they feel generous, like you have heard about yourself, that you're generous that you're giving when you go up on stage. And that's the someone that's the person that you want to keep getting these jobs because they deserve it. And also audience members deserve it. And the companies have someone like that.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Yeah. Yes. Oh my gosh. I love when the good people are thriving. It's so exciting to watch and see and to see, you know, you saw her in Cats and now she's in all these amazing Broadway shows and like, you're gonna carry that experience with you forever. And she has, you know, as some artists like that, they'll never know that they impacted people that way. And as like, and if she swung on, oh my gosh, even more testament to her.
Jessica
Yes.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Being a swing is the hardest job. Being the ensemble is the hardest job. Swinging the ensemble, forget it. Forget it.
Jessica
Right. And the fact that you were, you had that regular role that was so intense in the ensemble and you had to be ready to swing on for those other roles at a moment's notice is insane to me because I was technically an onstage swing, but I had like teeny tiny little background ensemble I would come on and I would sing backstage and things like that. It's not like I was on for a regular role and then I had to go switch into a principal role at a moment's notice.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Mm-hmm. It was a lot and I had to do a lot of tracking while I was on stage. So like, once I, I know, once I got comfortable in Demeter and was like, okay, it was wild and I never thought I'd go on for bomb, Ballerina, I was like, I'll never go on for the sexy red cat. That won't ever happen. It's fine and it did, many a time it did. And so I remember when they're like, hey, we have a situation girl where.
Jessica
I'm so exhausted for you.
Lauren Mariasoosay
there's not enough coverage you're gonna have to go on in a week. And I literally was like, oh my god. So that whole week of Demeter, I literally was tracking where Bom was when I wasn't next to her. Because they're a little pair. They're a little duo. They love to be together and they're cutie. I literally was scanning the stage being like, okay, so when I'm here, what does she do? Okay. I'm gonna write that down. I'm gonna remember that. And then I spent like my whole week and I think it was in Jacksonville, rehearsing before the show and in between the shows and after the show for bomb. And then when I went on for bomb, it was like I was going between my normal role and then bomb the next show and then my normal role and then bomb the next show. It wasn't like I was just like bomb Ballerina for four days. I was like switching between my two roles because the coverage was weird. And I was like, oh, a nightmare.
A nightmare. And the people who helped me the most, the swings. Like our dance captain, the people who helped me the most, the swings. I had so many questions. I was like, ah, and they were just like, you're gonna be fine. We're gonna figure it out. And it was wild. And then I only went on for Grizabella once and I'm so thankful for that. It was so cool to be in those shoes. And my family got to see it. I was in San Francisco, but like, I know it was so special. I was at the little Golden Gate Theater San Francisco where I saw Katz for the first time and then I'm stepping on stage as Grizabella. It was wild. It was very full circle for my little, my little self and my family got to see it. My family got to come. It was the only time I ever went on for her but I am so thankful for it because I was like, wow, I've done all three of my tracks and the world didn't stop. Nothing burned. Nothing got on fire. I did it. I did it and I did it well. So, but it is It's crazy, it was basically like being in on stage swing. You, even though I had this character that I was in every night, is sometimes it wasn't the character I was thinking about. Because I had to think about the other ones, and where they were in space and time in relation to where I was. Crazy!
Jessica
Yeah. Do you have any like funny or bad performance stories or like swing stories or something that went wrong or?
Lauren Mariasoosay
So many. I also, I am the worst person to look out when something goes wrong on stage. And people have said that to me on every contract. They're like, just don't look at Lauren. Don't look at Lauren. I'll laugh. Like I will laugh on stage. I break on stage all the time if things go wrong or if someone falls, it's over. It's over. I laugh. I can't help it. I don't know why. I could be in the most serious moment and I'll be like…I will, or my mouth will just go open. I'll literally just be like, crazy. I remember, so when I was in college, I was working at Disneyland full time. I was like a, I was basically like a park swing. So I was a dance swing and then I was also a principal vocalist swing for the park. And that was like my life for five years. That's how I paid for college. It was crazy. But I remember I was in Frozen, live at the Hyperion and I was in like, my fifth track of the week and we were doing In Summer and in the middle of In Summer, I, you have, it's so cute the number you're in like these cute little like, I don't know what era, I'd maybe say like 40s, 50s-ish, like swimwear and you have these little swim caps and you have little beach balls for In Summer and I blacked out and I was like, I don't know which track I am, I don't know what's next. And I remember just going to the center of the stage and going, my beach ball, and just holding it up in the center for the rest of the number. I was like.
Jessica
Here I am with my beach ball overhead.
Lauren Mariasoosay
There I am! And everyone's looking at me like, Lauren, girl, what are you doing? And I was like, don't know, don't know, don't know. My brain turned off. And there's like footage of it because they're allowed to take that show. So there's like literal footage of me messing up. There was also one where like a law fell apart and the video footage is, I literally, I was paralyzed. Paralyzed. I saw the puppet fall apart and I went.
Jessica
jaw drops, eyes looking around, dictating.
Lauren Mariasoosay
And I, my jaw dropped. I was like, what do I, what do I do in this circumstance? I can't keep going. The snowman is on the floor. What do I do? What, what can I simply do? There are, there were times in cats where we had mid show stops. There were like, there were, oh yeah. There were times where like, and sometimes we had like mid show swing ons and I'd like look next to me and then be dancing and I'm like next to me again and be like…What did you get on stage? What's happening? There's so many, I feel like the best way to deal with those things. I'm sure I'm not like the best person in terms of like, what do you do when things go wrong? I always keep going, but I do acknowledge when the things go wrong. Cause I feel like if I didn't, that'd be crazy. That'd be crazy for me not to be like, wow, your whole wig fell off. I'm gonna pretend it didn't. Like.
Jessica
Mm-hmm.
Lauren Mariasoosay
human, like your whole week fell off. I'm going to acknowledge it and then keep going. Like, I don't know. It is so many things I've gone wrong, especially swing brain. Like when I had swing brain, there were, there were times where I had to be like, what costume am I in? What notes am I singing? What, what track is this? Is this a puppet track or is this the other track? What, which one am I? I had to like play games with myself throughout the entire season of me being a swing at Disneyland, especially. There many a time, many a time where I was like, oh, I'm in the wrong spot. Or I'd be like, why are you here? And they'd be like, girl, this is my spot. You're over there. And I'm like, oh gosh, like, I'm so sorry. Let me move over there. But it's kind of like a muscle. Or at least, and I'm sure you know that too, cause you've done the same exact thing. The more I practice it, the better it got, but it never really got easier. I just got used to it.
Jessica
Mm-hmm.
Lauren Mariasoosay
being uneasy.
Jessica
That's an incredible way to put it. Yeah, and I like barely went on my year. And so every time it just felt like I was going from day one again, because I wasn't having rehearsals and some of the things like I had never even done. Like we didn't have put-ins really or anything like that for my tracks, but.
Lauren Mariasoosay
No.
Jessica
So we would just like run the little dance numbers, the little from the little dance numbers. There's no like little dance numbers in Fiddler. You know, those little dance numbers like the show. Yeah, such a good show. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. And it's interesting, too, because that's the only.
Lauren Mariasoosay
The big dance numbers. Maybe the entire show. Such a good show.
Jessica
professional performing job I've had, because then I kind of like stumbled into more associate work from that. And so I haven't been back performing in a while, which is why I think it feels especially terrifying to imagine reentering. It's just been so long. But what I will say is that it was the perfect show for me to do for so many reasons, but circling back to our conversation about body image and body dysmorphia and things like that, we were in...
Lauren Mariasoosay
Oh... Yeah...
Jessica
like baggy clothes and combat boots. So I wasn't worried about the shape of my feet or how high I had to kick my, there was no kicks. There was nothing that you needed to show how high your leg could go. It was all about energy. And actually, I'll contrast it to both things we talked about with cats where.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Yeah. Mmm.
Jessica
nothing in Fiddler was really about a shape. It was about a point of energy. So if you're spiking your hand up to the ceiling, it's not like how far apart are my fingers supposed to be from each other? What height am I supposed to reach my hand to? It was about what energy am I bringing to it? How am I coming together in this ensemble and we're all going to do something and hit something together and how is that going to impact? and reverberate into the audience. So it's more about that. So choreography wise, that's oppositional in a lot of ways. In terms of shape, 100%. I think the freedom of getting, the freedom of...
Lauren Mariasoosay
Oh, I love that.Right, but comes with its own challenges too.
Jessica
the choreography being allowed to be whatever it was in my body and not having to create any set shapes, but saying, here, this is almost like our invitation to you. Like spike your hand up and like punch the ceiling with it. Or bring your arm around in this kind of motion. Let it leave your body and come back in. It wasn't like we all had to be completely identical. And then you add the costumes and the fact that, you know, some of the time I was just a little boy. I had baggy clothes and a blazer and a hat and my combat boots. And I, trust me, I looked like the nine-year-old boy that they wanted me to be, okay? Like, that is true. And it was funny too, because like when my boyfriend would go see it...
Lauren Mariasoosay
Please
Jessica
we would just laugh at the idea of someone being like, oh, who are you here? And he's like, oh, my girlfriend's in the show. She's that nine-year-old boy up there. They're like, what? But I think that is partially why, on top of me just like loving the show, being connected to my family and my life, and loving the music and the choreography, all that stuff.
Lauren Mariasoosay
of likes.
Jessica
But those two things that we had been talking about, I think, were the reasons that I could really push through in a professional sense and not have it be triggering for me whatsoever in talking about bodies or my trauma in that way.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Yeah. Yes, no, and that's valid. How was it sharing that show with your family? Like, aw, you lit up.
Jessica
Oh my gosh. Yeah, it was, so there's this video that I posted on my Instagram when I booked it. So I have two younger sisters and it's all about like their five sisters and whatever. And so we would sing it as a family all the time. And so I posted this video from my childhood of us dancing and singing together. My little sister's probably like.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Stop.
Jessica
It's like we're like two, three and five maybe, maybe even younger. And I'm the oldest and I'm also the director of the family. So I'm like telling my little sister what to do and where to go for this line and everything like that. And it was just so magical because I also It was the first job I ever had in my life, like in a professional sense. And I had been auditioning for three years, not getting anything. I had auditioned for Fiddler the year before I booked it. For a couple of years.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Oh. Holy!
Jessica
It was the only time I ever got a callback in my life. I would just like get the callback and then re-audition and everything like that. It just meant so much to me professionally and I had been through so much in college and do I dance, do I not perform, what am I doing? And then to add into the mix that this is like my family show. We grew up watching a ton of movie musicals. That's what we would do. And that was our main one, basically. And so telling them was so magical. And then them getting to see it multiple times was so magical. And yeah.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Oh my god, they probably wept. That was probably so special. And your sisters! That's so cute!
Jessica
My sister, I know, I know it was, it was really special. It was the perfect show and the perfect experience. And that's not to say that there was, there weren't any issues or like I was perfectly happy all the time, it's not just that, but things can be perfect for you without you feeling perfect all the time.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Right, right. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Wow, that really spoke to me. And it is work. Like as much as we love the art, like it does become a job. It's work.
Jessica
Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I also think that another part of what made it special was that I was hired as a swing. I had never done a musical in my life, not even high school, like nothing. And I was hired as a swing. And thank goodness I had my friends who had swung before because I literally texted them like, hi, how does one swing? What do I? Yeah. And so.
Lauren Mariasoosay
And they're like, hello? They're like, you got to tell us something.
Jessica
Yeah, and that happened and then we learned the whole show and then I was asked to dance Captain and so that was interesting too because I learned the whole show just learning my originally it was five roles and then it got added to eight…plus dance captain. So it was like learning it as, so I had to learn the rest of the show in a dance captain lens while the show was running. As opposed to learning in rehearsals. So anyway, but the beautiful thing about that is I've always been drawn to leadership roles. I directed the shit out of my sisters when we were little.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Oh! Oh my-
Jessica
and they said I was bossy, I think I'm a director, what, you know, we can argue that as long as you want. And so it all felt like it was coming into place. I was fine, I was able to act and sing. I covered the principal role of Hava. I never went on for her, but I was able to like be given that kind of opportunity to do it in understudy rehearsals. So yeah, it was just amazing. It was amazing. And then I got to go back and they asked me to come back as the assistant choreographer and I got to like run most of tech and that led to my assistant director. It was just everything about it again. It was perfect. It was what I needed in ways that I didn't even understand at the time.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Wow.
Jessica
in ways that I still don't understand because things are still coming into place in my life because of that opportunity.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Yes, you made an imprint and you showed up and showed out. And that's so amazing that it has led to all these other opportunities and people that want to work with you. You made such an imprint.
Jessica
Thank you. Okay, so I would love to hear how it feels to have a role that is your role that you're doing every single day that you're not worrying about tracking this other person or maybe I'm going to go on for something else. How does that feel to just be?
Lauren Mariasoosay
It's so special because I feel so present when I'm on stage. And I get to live in every single second of the show, just as I am and as who I've made par. And I know with the eight shows a week, sometimes the monotony settles in. And I felt that a lot on cat in Aladdin, but also had the extra anxiety of worrying about other roles. But here, like, I do love this show so much, and I love Parr so much, and I love the girls and the band. I'm not tired of the show. And usually around, like, we're in, like, the 270 show range. I think I've done about 250 shows of six, and I still go to work, and I'm putting on my drag, and I'm like, wow, I get to be Catherine Parr again. And there's something so special about not having to worry about like covering other roles for me because my whole life has been spent like, oh my god, I could get a call today. Or, and a lot of times people will be like, hey, I don't feel well, I don't know what they're going to do, but I'm calling out, like, I don't know where that's going to lead, but I'm just giving you a heads up. And I remember just being like, here we go, here we go.
And then sometimes I would get a call, sometimes I wouldn't. So it's so nice to be in a spot where it's like, it's so exciting to sit in a role and grow in a role and like how it has evolved from like my opening night to now and just, it's so special. I feel very, very grateful and very gifted with this, especially with this show. The show came out a really good time too. It just feels my cup and my soul in a way that I don't think another show ever has for me really. I think this is the first time. It's really special. I feel very grateful.
Jessica
That's amazing. If you're in a role and you're covering other roles, there's always going to be a part of your brain that goes there. Because like you're saying, at any given second, even in the middle of a show, you could be expected to jump in. So the fact that you're able to just be present because there's no other expectation of you other than being right where you are and doing this performance as you are in this role does feel like it must be such a gift. And I wanna ask you, what have you learned and how have you grown both as a performer and artist and as a human being so far in this job?
Lauren Mariasoosay
Yeah. Oh, I also can attest to like, I'm 26. So I kind of came into this job where like my frontal lobe is also fully completely forming on top of being in a show and having this huge milestone for myself in my career. It all kind of, the world kind of like happened all at once for me. And especially with this show. From Par, what I've learned so much especially about this character is in everything about her. And I remember like having the conversations with creative and our director Galia who is amazing. And us just talking about how and she's so sweet. I think so highly of her. And I remember her being like, you know, Par is not far from yourself. And I want you to I want you to take every part of yourself into part because you really aren't that different. And I think.
I remember sitting there and being like, I can't believe people see me that way because Parr is a character that throughout the whole show, she takes the back seat until the last 20 minutes. And she's like lifting the other girls up being like, okay, let's give this girl a turn and let's give us all a turn. And like, how can I lift you all up? And also how can I damage control? And then steps into these shoes at the end with this giant monologue and this giant song and this giant reprise of the song and leading a whole dialogue with women about, hey, if we just stopped competing, our lives would be so different. And not only that, if we just looked at each other as ourselves and not the wives of some horrible man, if we just looked at each other for who we are as women and what we bring to the table, this would not be so hard. And what I loved about Par's story in particular is she took all of her pain and used it in a way to create change. So like signing Elizabeth into the monarchy power, she's the reason why we have queens now, and publishing the first book as a woman under her own name. Having the first portrait ever painted by a woman. Like, those are huge, huge strides, and she did it all under the under so much trauma and so much pain. She was also in her 30s. So she, her life was like settled. She had no life away for so long and then had to flip it on its head and marry this like horrendous, tyrannical man. When she was in love with someone else, when she had a whole life on her own, was a different religion. And she was like, I'm stuck with these circumstances. So what can I do? I'm, I'm in pain, but I there, I have to put it somewhere and I'm, I'm going to put it into things that help other women. And that's all I can do.
And the more I did the show and the more that we ran through the show all the way through, the more I realized like her arc is just so admirable. And I was like, that is the kind of woman I want to be. And that is the kind of person I want to be to other people. And that is the kind of friend I want to be to other women. I, and I've never so much of myself, I've never really viewed women as competition, even though we've been trained toI've had that experience my whole life where women have viewed me as competition. And I've always been like, we're so different. Like we're different people. How can we compete for something? We may be going in for the same role, but the way you do it is not the way I do it. And the way she does it is not the way you do it. And I was really competing against myself my whole life because that's how I viewed, I don't know, that's how I viewed this whole industry.
So to be in a show that is also like, heart, like harping on that as well as being like, and not only can we just not view each other as competition, we can also lift each other up at the same time and be there for one another. The show, it's so blaring in your face that you have no other choice than to live by those principles. You're doing that show every night and it impacts you and it impacts the audience. It's like, I have to live by that and I want to live by those things. So it teaches me to do that in my everyday life, not just the industry, like with my sisters and my mom and my friends and family. It has become a catalyst for me to just apply it in my everyday life. And there are a lot of shows that lift women up the way that this show does that acknowledges their trauma and acknowledges the pain they've been through, but doesn't make it the pinnacle. It doesn't make it the point of the show. The point of the show is the amazing thing that these women have done in spite of what they've been through. And I think I have applied everything about par in my life and everything about the show in my life too, because there's something so special, but once you make that switch of supporting other people and lifting other people up, your life becomes different.
It just does. And the more good you put into the world, the more it comes back. It's revolving, you know what I mean? And supporting people is so much more fun than feeling threatened by other people's success. Community is so much more important and the show only strengthened that with me and especially with women and BIPOC folks and LGBTQ trans folks. Like the way it lifts up every minority and oppressed person is so important and special. I don't know. I could write a whole novel about Six and Why it has changed my life and all the lives of the people who watch it. I think it is so special and digestible too. It's digestible and makes it fun. So even kids that are just going home with that principle and that standard and being like, oh, I haven't thought about it that way is...
Jessica
Yes, great point.
Lauren Mariasoosay
so important because it plants the seed and then they grow up thinking about that one show that they love so much that was about lifting other people up. It like plants the seed early or changes someone's mind about something or there's something to take away for everyone. Someone will identify with one of the queens in one way or another. There's always one they go home thinking like, oh, that spoke to me, that changed me. There's something about each character that is so.
Jessica
Mm-hmm.
Lauren Mariasoosay
so special and so important and very niche and very different. And it speaks to someone every time someone does.
Jessica
Can you speak more to how specific examples in your life that you feel maybe the direct impact of the show or Catherine Parr or how you're supporting other people? Because I know you do that a lot and I want to celebrate that and really just see a little bit more, have it expressed a little bit more tangibly for us to hear and be inspired by you.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Yeah, I feel like this past year I also went through so much change and like I went off into where I moved to a new country. I'm like navigating like a healing journey and like being a single and like navigating now my I'm going into my later 20s and navigating what life is like for me now and my career and I went through a lot of trauma and pain this past year and I was so I was having such a hard time dealing with it on top of being in a new country and not being around friends. And going to therapy and navigating that on top of navigating a job and this like really pinnacle amazing point in my life, but also navigating how like, how much I was going through at the same time. And there were times where I was like floating through the show, just trying to get by. And… sometimes I would do Parr's monologue and I'd have to disassociate. Like I'd have to be like, oh that speaks to me a little too hard today. I think I have to take a back seat today. And there were times where I full-fledged went into it because I was like, I'm feeling this today and I feel brave enough to let that part in today. And I think the really, the part of Parr that has really spoken to me is the taking your pain and after navigating through some things and going through healing journeys in terms of like myself and my relationships to people and family and my relationship to myself and like enjoying my own company just dealing with my own company, but like enjoying it. And like, it's so hard to be alone, but not lonely. And I had to learn that and I'm still learning it through this contract and finding the power in that. And really enjoying myself just on my own and not just like putting up with it. And this show and this experience has taught me that and the turning pain into power and turning pain into change. I like even now I like work with a lot of nonprofits here that are for like South Asian women pursuing the arts that don't have the support at home. I'm like a mentor for a program here that does
So you can like meet up with little mentees. You're a mentor. You can help them navigate the way they like go through the arts and if they identify with you in a specific way you meet up with them for coffee or you help them build their resume or you talk to them about their book or you talk to them about your experience or like Help them reach out to agents in the area help them connect them. We do a lot of Q&A's and talk backs I love doing workshops with kids, especially that identify with being queer or BIPOC in the industry and how to navigate that and also just like being not necessarily a spokesperson but just like a representative for them to be like, oh, I'm not alone. There is someone doing it right now. So it's like, I do a lot of work with nonprofits here. And that has changed my life a lot, especially just to like be an advocate and be a person that people can go to that are like going through things or don't have the means to pursue. And they have an example of someone who also didn't because I was working throughout my entire college experience to pay for stuff, and to pay for my degree, and to pay for dance classes and voice lessons and all that stuff. So like to have kids that identify with that and to be able to work with a nonprofit that like brings them to you so you can be like, Oh, hey, I did that. Let's let's figure this out for you. How can we make this happen for you or kids that are like my parents don't necessarily understand. Uh, I don't know how to navigate that and coming from like, um, South Asian families and homes, that is a big problem. So also helping other people navigate, like, how do I pursue this industry, which is so hard on top of the like cultural pressure of my family and my parents, that is also so hard. So also being a person who could be like, Hey,
I've been there, if you want to talk about it, let's chat, let's do it. And also there's a way and there's a path and it can be done. How do we do that? So I feel like that has been my biggest saving grace. And also I wouldn't have done that if I weren't doing six. If I weren't doing par, I wouldn't have been inspired to be like, how can I turn this pain into something that will bloom? How can I plant a seed? How do I do this when I'm in so much like...like sadness and trauma and pain, how can I make that better for myself? And how do I do that? What can I do? It's so hard. And it's like, how can I be doing a job I love so much but feel so sad right now? How is this happening? I have everything I've ever worked for and wanted and I'm dealing with a lot of whirlwind inside. How do I do that? And like reaching out to nonprofits, supporting my friends, watching my friends soar and lifting them up and being excited for them on their journeys. And it helps me in a way, helping others helps me. And on top of learning how to be comfortable with myself too and being alone and navigating that, this whole contract has been one of the biggest shifts in my life that I've ever gone through on top of a major milestone and exciting moments such as being Catherine Parr in Sixth of Musical, I also have had to navigate so many other things. It's been a whirlwind. Such a long answer again. But like, yeah, the turning pain into help and to change has been the biggest takeaway for me from the show, from the role, and this experience.
Jessica
I appreciate that so much. Thank you for all of that. I resonate with so much of that. And that is the root of this podcast, actually, was turning pain into something that could maybe make a difference, maybe bring some joy, some inspiration, some healing, some connection. So it brings me to a very important point, which is that wherever you go, there you are. And that a job is not going to be the healing factor of your life. It can contribute to your healing. It can be an important part of your journey. However, you're not going to be happy when you get that job.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Yes. Yeah.
Jessica
if you're not also healing the other parts of your life. That's something that, that's basically the whole point of what we're talking about here is being like, hey, we could have these amazing contracts and opportunities, but guess what? That doesn't pause your life. Hopefully you have a life outside of the work that you're doing.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Yes. No. Yes.
Jessica
And that's important to focus on and to nurture and to, yeah, you can't separate the two. You can't separate your job from your life. And I feel like, I just appreciate you sharing that so much. And at one point that we haven't talked about yet on here, and I'm wondering if you could speak a little more to it is the family dynamic of it.
Lauren Mariasoosay
No.
Jessica
Because like you're saying, it's hard enough. But then to have other obstacles in your path…
Lauren Mariasoosay
Yeah, the outside things, all the outside things. It's so, you meet so many, or at least I have met so many people where like, I remember when I, I remember telling, you know, my dad, I was like, hey, I know that I was kind of going like maybe the physical therapy kines route because I love to dance and I am very good at science. I'm very good at biology. I'm very good at math. The arithmetic is great. And I know that you want me to do something that will provide for me. And that retrospect, um, uh, I know you want me to do that. And that kind of has been like my trajectory throughout high school. I was doing like, um, Oh, what is it called? Like an internship? Yes. I was doing an internship at the physical therapy unit at the local hospital. And I was, uh, starting to like apply for colleges with the a biology degree or a physical therapy, like emphasis. And I remember the whole time only doing it because I knew that my specifically like my dad wanted me to do something that would provide for me. And the whole time I was doing it, I knew I didn't want to. And I was like, hey dad, I wanna sing and dance on a stage. And I remember like jazz hands.
Spirit fingers the whole nine yards. And it's, I wanna be in a unitard. Like what do we, how to even broach that conversation especially with like immigrant parents, brown parents. And I know especially in my culture, like in grains in Indian culture, it were really like most of the people of my culture are like in like.
Jessica
to be a cat.
Lauren Mariasoosay
very heavy science degrees, doctor degrees, engineering, science, you know, to like have that like cultural pressure and to also have like, you know, my dad is an immigrant and came here to give us a better life for me to be like, dad, I don't know if this career will work out, but I want to do it anyway. So like, I don't know, it was so scary for me as a, I say as a kid, I was like a young adult 18, you know, but, um, it, a kid, really truly, I, it caused a really big risk for a while. My dad was just kind of like, okay, like you really want to do this. Like there's nothing else you want to do. There's nothing. And, and my dad really harked on a plan B for so long. He's like, you need a plan B, you need a plan B, you need to go to college for something else, you can do whatever you want, but you got, you got to do something else. It's like a really long time for my dad to really actually come around.
Jessica
It's a kid.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Um, and I had like made peace with the fact that like my dad might not ever come around. There was a time in my life where I was like, okay, I just have to do what I love. And like my dad might not ever understand or get it or come around. He just might not. Um, and there are so many kids that go into this, that want to go into this profession that feel that way about parents and about their family. Or ones that simply just like are like, oh, you want to be an actor, like good luck. There's no belief and there's no like support and there's no like, yeah, how do we get there? Get you there. What support do you need from us? What do we need to do? There's so many kids who go into this profession already defeated on top of the industry being so hard. They're already going into it with the doubt of their family to go into it with the doubt of the family and the doubt of themselves and the doubt of the industry. It's like, how are you going to win?
So for me, I just had to keep betting on myself. And my dad finally came around when I was in college and he saw me perform in a show. I was 22, yeah. And I was Anita and West Side Story at Cabrillo Playhouse. And it's like a very big regional theater in LA and a role I'd never played now. Holy man, but like. For some reason at the time, people didn't wanna see me for the ethnic background I was. And so they just kind of put you into boxes that you're like, you can kind of fit. And so I was like, ooh, I gotta do a lot of research if I'm gonna do this character in a way that doesn't misrepresent. So I always acknowledge that resume of my life. Like there were a lot of roles that I was not the ethnic background of, but that I was like brown. So I fit to casting. So I took it upon myself to do a lot of research, and especially with the accent, especially with inflections and dance. I was like, if I'm gonna play this role, I have to be respectful, I have to pay homage, and I have to not misrepresent and not make a mockery out of anything. So I got him a ticket to see that, and I was like, hey, I know you're busy, your job is busy, and you got a lot to do, but if you could come see the show, I would love to see you.
He ended up coming and he was just like, oh, you really want to do this? I was like, yeah, and I think I can, dad. I think I can. And he was like, okay, then let's do it. And then I, after college, I got cats and then I got Aladdin and then I got this. And then my dad was like, I'm not worried anymore. I'm not scared. You're gonna be okay. And he's like, and I want to bet on you. And it changed my world. I always get emotional when I talk about my dad and like how he, I know it changed my life. It really did. My dad is the biggest catalyst for me believing in people and for me believing that people can change. My dad was like in his 40s when he was like, oh, I'm gonna bet on you this time and I'm going to bet on you however you pursue this for the rest of your life.
Jessica
I just got chills.
Lauren Mariasoosay
And I was like, oh my gosh, my dad defies the stereotype of like you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Like my dad has changed. And he is the biggest catalyst for me believing in that no matter what you believe or where you grow up or cultural things that people can change if they want to. And it's not the same for everyone. Not everyone has that beautiful moment with a parent. Sometimes their parent never comes around, but it you have to bet on yourself. And sometimes they do come around, sometimes they don't. I'm so lucky that I am part of the few or my dad did full-fledged come around and be like, no, like let's, I'm gonna come see every show. If you're gonna swing on, I'll come, I'll fly over. Like I'll do it. And he did and not everyone gets that. So I know what it's like not to get that. And I also know what it is like too. So I'm able to like. I don't know, it's hard. It's so hard to navigate that part of not having support at home. If you choose to do this, there are so many people who don't. There's so many people who go into this like, it's just me and it's just me.
Jessica
What do you advise to your mentees who are going through that kind of difficult moment with their parents?
Lauren Mariasoosay
It's so different for each kid and sometimes you can kind of tell who's navigating also because, and it's so hard when you're a kid and you're going through this formative stage of your brain and your body and your personality and you're coming into yourself to have parents that are like, why are you doing this? This isn't sustainable. It makes them doubt themselves and not just their career but in every facet of their life, it’s like it has a trickle effect because they're like, they're still going through the most formative part of their life. And so I think what I, I always tell kids that come to me with that sort of like, I don't know how to do this. If my parents can't support me. Um, I always tell them that like you have chosen family. Um, your friends end up becoming your family when you don't necessarily have that support at home. The people you meet, your professors or your mentors, or even people like us who they're able to reach out to, we become, we're like, hey, you might not have support at home, but guess what, now you're gonna have a web. So you might not have your parents putting you on their shoulders, you now have this web of people that are holding you up and catching you. So you might not have this, but you have another beautiful thing, which is chosen family.
And I learned that throughout high school and college when I didn't necessarily have the biggest support network from my dad. I had a larger support network from people I was meeting in different contracts or at Disneyland or at school. I had people that I slowly started creating this community and I had chosen family. And chosen family is just as important. And I think some people also, especially in this industry, end up living more with that chosen family than they do, the family family, especially if they have struggles at home. I've learned to lean on that system and defend that system with my life. And I even talked about my best friend Sav growing up and how we really did that growing up. We really were like, okay, I'm gonna believe in you with everything I have. You believe in me with everything you have and I'm gonna carry that with me everywhere. And we have to this day, there's just certain people and chosen family that really, it can be just as impactful. And so I like tell all these kids and other people, even some that are like closer to my age, that to like community will be your guide when you feel like you don't have the support at home. Building your own community and people who support you and people you admire and learn from and grow from and grow with, like those are gonna be.
Those are gonna be your people. Sometimes we're not all lucky to be born into families where those are our people. Not everyone is lucky enough. So you have to make it for your own. And that's too all a part of growing up and realizing connections and community is sometimes more outside of yourself and your family. I always encourage them to find that and to bet on themselves, bet on yourself. If no one's gonna bet on you, you better… Full-fledged, plant your feet and bet on yourself if you believe. And keep your head up, keep your chin up. It's hard though. It's so hard. Especially in this industry.
Jessica
How do you access that belief if it feels far away? How do you find that belief in yourself?
Lauren Mariasoosay
Wow, that's...That's hard. I think for me, the question I always ask is like, could you imagine yourself doing anything else? If it's like, I guess I kind of could. And I'm like, no, could you ever, is there a world where you could be absolutely full-fledged happy and proud and excited about your work and yourself if you didn't do this? And a lot of them it's like, no, this is all I wanna do. Then I'm like, then feed that love as much as you feed the discipline and like the craft, you have to feed the love for it too. And betting on yourself when it's really hard to access is hard, especially when you're like down and out about it. And especially with the ebbs and flows of the industry where you could feel like, yes, I've done three contracts back to back, but now I'm in a dry spell and I haven't booked anything. And so long I'm starting to get, how do I find that again? And I think so much of it is finding your worth outside of the work too. Knowing that your worth is not tied to people and your worth is not tied to work.
Betting on yourself takes a lot of self-love and a lot of like self-vigilance, which is learned and it's so hard and it's a practice. I think above all, it's a practice. Just like love is a practice. And kindness is a practice. You know what I mean? It's the same thing, betting on yourself is a practice and there's gonna be days where it's easier and days where it's harder. But your worth has to be of your own divine description and not work and not people. It's hard. There's so many ways to go about it, but that's kind of the way I've tried to speak to others about it and tried to practice for myself. It's just to be like, it is a practice. And there's gonna be days where it's really hard. It's hard to bet on yourself when everything else doesn't. But look at the like amazing people that have come out of that, especially actors, where they're like, I booked nothing for years. And then all of a sudden, here I am. It's powerful when you believe in yourself even though it's hard.
Jessica
Thank you for sharing that. I'm going to close this out with one last question, which is what is your human bio? So the bio that exists off of your resume.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Ah, my human bio, oh! I love to read, I love books. And I'm just getting into like, like I just started reading like RFKWONG's series of books who I know a lot of people are into. I love to read, I love my plants. I have so many plants around me. I'm also a big, nerdy big nerd, love to play video games. And have since I was a kid. All those things fill my soul. I love to paint. All those little things that fill my soul in different ways that have nothing to do with singing and dancing on a stage. And I love my friends. I love my chosen family. And I love to spend time with them. Sit in the park and have a gab with my friends and a picnic. Like I, it's really nothing better. Those are like the things that make me that make me outside of theater and singing and acting and dancing. My happy little plants, my books, my video games, and my friends. Ugh. Like a perfect day of me doing, of me not having to go and do work, it would like have all of those in it on one little day. What is yours? I want to know your human bio.
Jessica
Wow, I don't think I've said it on here yet. Oh my gosh, really just threw me off guard. Now I know how my guests feel. I have to yawn first. Oh, okay, big stretch.
Lauren Mariasoosay
No, I want to hear! I love it. It's such a good question.
Lauren Mariasoosay
That was one of those big stretches. Yep. That was the soul filling stretch.
Jessica
Okay, my human bio is I just love people. I hate seeing people suffer. It eats me alive. And I feel like I constantly navigate going back and forth between just wanting to drop everything and completely devote my life to helping people. But then also being like
Lauren Mariasoosay
Ugh.
Jessica
I can't function when I'm not taking care of myself. How am I gonna take care of all these people I want to help? My human bio, I struggle with depression and anxiety, and I've had a past history of an eating disorder and a sexual assault, and that really does define a lot of who I am. And certainly, yeah.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Mmmm. Yes, I would agree. Same boat. Yeah.
Jessica
Circling back to Catherine Parr, I do think that my journey is turning pain into something better, into something impactful. That's what I write every day. I love to write. I have written, I calculated it last month because I was like, how much have I written? I've written three million words over the past 10 years. And it's like books and books and books. And I love that, I need that, and I feel like that when I can figure out what to do with my writing, that is a huge part of me like shifting all that pain into something that I can offer up and I hope that's what I'm doing with the podcast and I…I'm a performer at heart and there will be a way for me to return back to it. It's when I'm most alive, most me, most on fire. And I just need to keep being patient as I heal and discover how to reenter the space and I'm a leader and I like to create things and I want a puppy so badly.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Yes! Oh, a puppy makes everything better.
Jessica
so badly, so much better. I have a goddaughter who's like my life, I'm obsessed with her. And now she has a little brother who is also the best and they're like my happy place. And I feel like that's a good first draft of a human bio for me. Thank you for asking.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Heck yeah, I hear you. Oh my gosh, of course. And so many people will like resonate with that. Like I, and I love to hear about everything about someone. I like, I don't know if you've ever done like Rosebud and Thorne. Have you ever done that with anyone? And also like it humanizes everyone cause there is always a Thorne. And like, I think we get so wrapped up in talking about like all the good things that go on in our lives. We like don't often talk about.
Jessica
Yes.
Lauren Mariasoosay
the things that really change us and shift us in terms of like pain and trauma and assaults and depression. And like, I have ADHD navigating that and like my emotions with that is also hard. So it's like, we often don't talk about those things but the more we do, the more we realize how like more connected and real we all are. Thank you so much for sharing. Thank you.
Jessica
Yeah. Should we rose, bud and thorn on our way out? Can you explain to people what that is?
Lauren Mariasoosay
Hell yeah. What was your rose? Yes, okay, rosebud and thorn. So rose, and this can be in terms of your rosebud and thorn of the day or the year or the month. It's like the end of March. Do we wanna do a rosebud and thorn of March? Okay, come on, the spring, the Saturn return. So rose is like the highlight or the...
Jessica
Sure.
Lauren Mariasoosay
biggest pinnacle moment that brought you the most joy. Thorn is obviously something that was really hard for you or trials and tribulations, something that was hard to navigate through. And bud is something that either surprised you or brought you joy you didn't expect it to, something that was unexpected. Do you wanna do your rosebud and thorn? She was like, please.
Jessica
Okay. So my Rose was definitely, I went to Disney World with my bestie who, so she's actually.
Lauren Mariasoosay
stop, it's so cute.
Jessica
I guess her yeah, her episode will be out by the time we do this. But it's Lexi Garcia toy and she dances at Disney and she had us my boyfriend and I come down there and we just had like the best time and what I love about visiting her is we go from like the goofiest most idiotic shit ever to then like dropping into the deepest conversation you can have in a second. And I love that on top of just like, living, like getting to experience Disney, which was just amazing. And we did it last year too. So we're gonna really try to make it a tradition, which is fun. Yeah. Oh my gosh.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Oh my gosh, yes. And the warm weather, I'm sure. It wasn't lovely. Yes, the sun.
Jessica
I was like, I was still in my depression, but I had access to something else. I was like, okay, I'm peeking out. I'm peeking out, I can see the sun. This is so nice. So that was amazing. My bud, I'm gonna kind of turn it around. I know this isn't exactly what a bud is, but I'm gonna make it like a point of hope for me.
Lauren Mariasoosay
I love that. That also can be what it is. Yeah.
Jessica
That can be okay. And that is I started a new medication for my depression. So I'm excited. I had been, I've started trying stuff like a year and a half ago. I've been trying to figure it out. And it hasn't really, I haven't really found the one yet. And so I finally switched again about a week and a half ago and I'm just like I'm trying to put out positive vibes that this is going to be the one and I can stop my search and I can start feeling better. So that'll be my bud. I'm like holding out for the Lexapro, crossing my fingers.
Lauren Mariasoosay
My, my, uh, I have some family members and some friends that are on Lexapro that have had some very good luck with it, so I'm hoping that juju gets sent towards your way. Yeah.
Jessica
Thank you. I'm hoping. Yeah, I tried a couple things that haven't been great. So I'm yeah, I've heard good things too. So we'll see.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Yeah. Ugh.
Jessica
And my thorn would be just like, yeah, having really dark days and dark moments. Nothing too crazy, just enough that I feel like I have to work so hard to get to a baseline. Like, I'm working out, I'm journaling, I'm doing this, I'm doing that, just to kind of get to a baseline as a human. And some days I can get there.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Ugh. Yes.
Jessica
And some days I didn't get there in March and it was hard. So, but again, I guess that ties into the bud as well because hoping that, you know, it's not like you're gonna take a medication and then you're never gonna be sad again. It's just about being able to be more functional.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Right. Yes. And even your rose ties into it because you're peeking into the sun. You're like, I see the sun. The sun is there. It is possible. Oh, and that's such a hard journey. I mean, yes, the fighting to even be baseline. I don't know how I resonate with that. The journaling, the going on walks and seeing the sun and doing the things to be like, oh, I guess I'm kind of functioning. Yeah.
Jessica
Yeah.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Resonate it's so real those emotions are so valid and so real so real
Jessica
Thank you. You're half of you.
Lauren Mariasoosay
I'm trying to think. I think my thorn, my thorn is very much kind of on the same wavelength. It's like, sometimes I feel like everything's moving on the outside and then I'm stuck in the inside. And sometimes I could be doing all the things, but still feeling a certain way. And people are like, oh, you're functioning, you're doing the show and you're-
Jessica
Mm.
Lauren Mariasoosay
You know, you're doing all these things and it's like, yeah, but I'm still sad on the inside. Like it's a work in progress. Those harder days, a thorn of March would definitely be like, there were hard days, there were hard days. And sometimes not anything triggered in particular. Sometimes I woke up and it was a hard day. While we're working, going through it, we have therapy. We have… And for me, I'm medicated as well for my ADHD and all that stuff. So navigating that as well. What is my bud? I think my bud, I'm gonna go along the lines of hope too. It's very gray here in Toronto, but we're getting days of sun. And I never realized how much being in the sun is like, oh, oh. Like it brightens up my day. I like walk to work in the sun and I'm like, wow, life is sunny. The sun is, I'm hoping to see more days of sun. That is definitely about the days of sun. How much it really impacts my soul and my being is crazy. My rose.
Oh, this month was lovely in terms of, I had lots of friends visit, like the entire Aladdin tour cast that I was with was here and they came to see the show and my two best friends from New York came at the same time. So I had my two besties from New York staying with me. We had a sleepover for like a week and then the Aladdin cast was here for so much of March and it was like, oh, so beautiful to be surrounded by community and people and other artists and old and new friends and it was, that was definitely a rose. Like seeing all these like different parts of my life come together. It was so cool. It was such a rose, such a highlight to see all these different walks of my life come together at once and see that they all are like, oh, all these little parts of me that existed in these different places are now existing in one place. And it's like, oh, it was so sweet. It was so full circle. That was definitely my rose. Yeah, a gift. People are gifts. Friends are gifts.
Jessica
That's it. I know I said we're wrapping up. I do have one more question that I wanted to ask earlier and I forgot. But what is your like warmup and cool down routine like for the show?
Lauren Mariasoosay
No, let's do it. Oh my gosh, this show, it's so different from any other show I've been in. I really cool down from this show because my larynx by the end of this show is up in the stratosphere because I'm singing up and down and up and down throughout the show. I always cool down with like a five to six minute vocal cool down of just like some skills going down, some lip flutters, slides moving downwards. And then I don't stretch and roll out at home as much as I would like to. I should do it more often. I do it maybe two or three times a week, but I should be doing it every day. And also I do the, I don't know, I have it right here. The five minute journal, I don't know if you have one, but I do this every morning and every night when I'm done with the show. After I cool down like my body and my voice, I like sit and do my five minute journal. And then I'll either like watch an episode of something or paint or read my book before making a tea and heading to bed. Doing my skincare routine is also very like therapeutic for me, I've learned that having a skincare routine is actually just kind of like a little self care therapeutic moment to do before I head to bed.
My warmup, I go, I just started going back to the gym recently and I go to the gym in the mornings, usually just to get my morning going. And I'll go to like, I'll maybe go read out like a little cafe or something, walk around here. And then I warm up my body very minimally for the show because if I warm up too much, my body gets tired. So I do like a cute little like little ab circuit. I warm up my legs with like some squats and some lunges and some stabilization exercises that our PT gives me specifically, just because I have like some knee stuff from cats that I have to be wary of to make sure I take care of her. Shocking! It's shocking! So we've come up with this great little warm up that gets me warmed up enough, but not too much to where when I do that 80 minute shot out of a cannon show that I get exhausted halfway through.
Jessica
Shocking that you have knee problems from CATS.
Lauren Mariasoosay
vocal warmup with my roommate buddy, which is our Cleves. We share a dressing room and we warm up our voice together. And it's like 15, if even 15 minutes, but it's perfect. Gets the voce running. Always have a kiki with my dresser while we're getting dressed. I always have a tea while I'm like, getting ready for the show, I'll have like a throat coat with me. Sometimes I nebulize too. It just kind of depends on how dry I'm feeling, especially in the winter here. It's a very like… all the moisture is sucked out of the air when it's this cold. So I've been nebulizing a lot in the winter. But it truly is just basically what my body needs per day. I switch between all these little tools. But the thing that always remains constant is my little, my five minute journal, and the vocal warm up and the vocal cool down, always.
Jessica
Mm-hmm. I wanted to say one thing that popped into my head and I'm honestly wrapping up, but when you said that there were certain days where you were aware that you were dissociating while you're performing, because it's just what you needed, I wanna remind myself and remind anybody listening, because I talk about being embodied, being dissociated, all this stuff a lot, is that when you dissociate, you're trying to protect yourself.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Yeah. Yep.
Jessica
in some way. So I'm saying this to myself, maybe someone else needs to hear that. If and when you do that, it is a form of attempted protection. And sometimes it's necessary, and sometimes it's just because now it's what you're used to. And you have to practice being reintegrated. But that just popped into my head as something I wanted to voice. Yeah.
Lauren Mariasoosay
So real. And it doesn't make you a worse actor. It doesn't mean you're failing. It means you're human. And like we go through things and where human life happens and we're put in circumstances we didn't expect to be in or something happens before the show or, you know, and you can leave it at the door as much as you want. But when your job calls for you to be human on stage in front of people, sometimes things do creep in.
Jessica
Mm-hmm.
Lauren Mariasoosay
And so there's times where I've been like, oh, I'm accessing something I'm gonna dissociate and I'm gonna rely on my technique as an actor instead of my heart right now. I'm gonna rely on my little Stanislavski, on my Uta Hagen and I'm gonna rely on those to get through the show today and put this thing that's creeping in, I'm gonna put it in the passenger seat right now. And it doesn't make you a worse actor, it doesn't make you bad, it just makes you human.
Jessica
Mm-hmm.
Lauren Mariasoosay
And that happens. It truly does.
Jessica
Thank you for that. Thank you for all of this. I'm so grateful that you were so open and honest as clearly you are in everything you do in your life. And I'm so grateful we just met.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Yup. No, now we're besties. I can't wait.
Jessica
Now we’re besties. And I guess that's it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. And I wish you the absolute best in Toronto and with everything that's to come. And we'll obviously have you back on here and do a little catch up. Yeah. Okay. Well, have a beautiful day, even though it's gray. I hope it's lovely.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Thank you. Thank you. Oh my gosh, anytime, any day. I know there's some sun peeking out. We love to see it. Thank you again so much. And for you for making such a safe space for people. Like this is, this is like such important work and makes people feel so safe. And it's safe to be vulnerable here. That's really special. Thank you for doing that.
Jessica
Thank you for voicing that, because that is really my only goal. Safe to be vulnerable. That's a really perfect way to put it. So thank you. Okay, we'll talk soon. Bye.
Lauren Mariasoosay
Yeah, of course.
Talk soon signing off.