Kristin Yancy

Show Notes

Kristin Yancy is an actor/dancer/singer/creator living in Brooklyn. Her long list of theater credits include Summer, The Donna Summer Musical and The Cher Show on Broadway, Guys and Dolls at the Kennedy Center, Gaslight with the Cincinnati Shakespeare Company, and playing Roxie in Chicago directed by Patrick O' Neill. 

In today’s episode, Yancy talks about not going to college for dance and how she got into professional shape when she first moved to NYC, how she finds fulfillment in between jobs by creating her own work including her own immersive theater company, and how to navigate the heartbreak that comes with rejection. 

She also describes how she insists on bringing joy into her training, how she works hard to create a sustainable career for herself, and the necessity of figuring out what brings you out of a funk, which for her includes taking classes and lessons, walking around the city… and mac and cheese. 

*A note from Yancy on MinuteZero: At the time of this interview, my co-founders and I had decided to close the business, and transition into spending more time on our individual projects. But we hadn't yet announced it publicly! This conversation with Jess now represents one of the last really in-depth conversations I had about the company, and it's pretty cool to have it recorded. P.S. My co-founders and I still love each other, and still work together!-- just in a less formalized, more free and independent format :)

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Transcripts

Jessica - Intro

Kristin Yancy is an actor/dancer/singer/creator living in Brooklyn. She loves: a great story, a crazy idea, a dance break, angel numbers, pasta, the sun, and the weird magic of a fresh journal and a good pen. She's a big sister, a pretty loyal friend, and is married to a wonderful weirdo cutie! She is a big fan of pretty much any creative live event. (Theater is everywhere!) She thinks being alone in an empty movie theater is its own special kind of meditation.

Some favorite credits include Summer, The Donna Summer Musical and The Cher Show on The Great B-way, an incredible production of Guys and Dolls at the Kennedy Center last fall, some very magical summers at the Muny, playing Roxie in Chicago directed by Patrick O' Neill, and a really special production of West Side Story at the Guthrie Theater, directed by Joseph Haj. She spent this fall leading a new adaptation of the play Gaslight, written by Steven Dietz and directed by Courtney Sale, and is now playing all three ghosts (!) in A Christmas Carol at Merrimack Repertory Theatre, also directed by Courtney Sale. Kristin is the Executive Producer and Co-Founder of the immersive theater company, MinuteZero. She also writes the weekly newsletter Costume Change on Substack, and is a proud alum of Washington University in St. Louis. 

In today’s episode, Yancy discusses how she navigates the heartbreak that comes from rejection, what she does to get herself out of a funk, and how she fights for a joyful and sustainable career. Please enjoy the deliciously vibrant, Kristin Yancy. 

Jessica

Hello, Kristen Yancy.

yancy

Hello, we're here.

Jessica

We're here 40 minutes later due to technical difficulties.

yancy

We've been on a technical journey.

Jessica

We have been and it's good because we're always on a journey together in some shape or form. So here we are on one more journey figuring it out together as we do.

yancy

That's true. It's good practice for us.

Jessica

It is great practice for us. So welcome to this currently unnamed podcast. Hopefully by the time that it's posted somewhere, there's a name for it.

yancy

Okay, I like messy Jesse just putting a vote in.

Jessica

Messy Jessie. Okay, I'll take that into consideration. Because it just helps remember that we're flawed and imperfect and if we don't do things a little messy sometimes we're never going to do them. It's been my journey.

yancy

Okay, thanks. Thank you for considering me. Yeah. And today I brought the mess via my struggling MacBook, messy MacBook.

Jessica

And I brought the mess via this profound moment I was having before we even started talking that I wanted to share with you. And I was like, this is perfect that I'm having my talk with Yancey today because before I get into all of that, just to say that we met on a virtual acting class, the origin story, Heidi Marshall, shout out, we love you, Heidi. And...

yancy

Oh yes, the origin story. We love you, Heidi.

Jessica

Yancey is a dancer, singer, actor, producer, choreographer, extraordinaire. And we met in this TV film on camera virtual class over the pandemic. And I slid into her zoom DMS. And I just knew we were going to be friends. And a few months later, we got coffee and talked for hours. Hours.

yancy

It was very exciting. Yeah, truly.

Jessica

And the rest is history. We can't really talk for less than three to four hours. It kind of doesn't work.

yancy

Yeah. It's hard. It's a challenge. Cause there's so much catching up to do.

Jessica

And I remember, yeah. And I remember when we first talked and you said, you were telling me a story and then you were going off into random places within the story. Like, oh, I want, you were going off into this direction, that direction. And you said, I'm sorry, I tend to do that. And I was like, no, I do that. And I love doing that because it isn't, I can never tell just a straightforward story because all these other factors are involved.

yancy

Hahaha! I know. I know, there's context. I loved, I mean, otherwise you're not gonna be like shocked in the right parts of the story. And I want you to go on the journey, another journey with me while I'm telling the story. I want you to be like, oh, you know? And I can only do that with context.

Jessica

You gotta have the context! And we are storytellers. So, you know, through body through spirit.

yancy

Yes. But I loved, we started doing that and you're like, wait, I have to take notes? And you pulled out a journal and you're like, okay. And we mapped it. We story mapped live at a vegan slash coffee spot in Manhattan.

Jessica

Mm-hmm. I also remember at the end of our first session together, I don't know what you'd call it, I said, I feel nervous about this. I feel like I'm trying to see if you wanna go out on another date with me, but would you wanna go hang out again next week? And you were like, yes, let's do it.

yancy

We did have like a weekly thing going for a moment, which was cute.

Jessica

Yeah. And then you got too busy and booked and you know as it goes. So I'm really excited to dive in because you are someone who whenever I talk to you, I feel so grounded and inspired and hopeful about my own potential within this industry and my own path and also enormously hopeful about what's possible for our industry at large.

yancy

pros and cons.

Jessica

because there are people like you in it.

yancy

Thanks Jess, so nice.

Jessica

So I'm so excited to chit chat. Before we get into all the stuff, can you tell us what your human bio is? So what exists for you? Yeah.

yancy

My human bio, human time. Okay. The last time you asked me this question, I said that my birthday is August 8th, which is a fact that I love about myself, mostly because I love the eights, the double eights, and that it's a very auspicious birthday in certain cultures. And I also love summertime and the sun. I need it to live. So there's that. That also means I'm a Leo for those listening. And what else? I'm an older sister. My sister and I are 18 months apart. So we're super close, literally and emotionally. And I grew up in Dallas. My family's from New Orleans and Baton Rouge. I was saying I'm like, I've been kind of the same person my whole life. I came into the world dancing and singing and putting on shows. I did the whole laundry clothesline sheet with the clothes pins in the backyard. I was that kid. We used to go visit our family. My mom had a really big family in New Orleans and we used to go visit them. And we would come with like, this is before you had to pay to check bags, believe it or not.

Jessica

Mmm.

yancy

So me and my sister would bring a whole extra suitcase just of props. I love a prop still to this day. Yeah, and everybody would have roles and we'd have scripts. So yeah, I've basically been the same person my whole life. And what else? I grew up. I went to a pretty small school, which ended up being really good for me, I think, because...

Jessica

That is amazing.

yancy

I don't know, it was like, you know, nothing is perfect, but it was a very safe space to grow up in. 

Jessica

This is high school.

Yancy

This is high school. And then I went to Wash U in St. Louis for college. And I loved it. I had a really great experience there. And no one in my family, my fam is really supportive, then and now, but nobody in my family had pursued the arts as a career. So when I went to Wash U I actually applied as an English major undergrad. And then I ended up graduating in a major called comparative arts, which was in the literature department. But it let me like study a language, study some art along with literary theory. And yeah, I think I always saw myself coming to New York no matter what. And I was dancing that entire time, but always on the side and at a certain point I realized that I kept finding different excuses to dance during the summer. And I was here, the summer before my senior year, I was here dancing, was doing a program where I met a lot of dear friends that I still have now actually. And I just, I was seeing a ton of theater then. 

Jessica

What was that program?

Yancy

That was in like a, that was, it's no longer, called this, at the time it was called the Summer Intern Program at Broadway Dance Center. So we were SIPs, is our acronym. That has been replaced by the professional semester they have there now. But there were 75 of us, so it was a huge group of young people, aspiring dancers. And I also, yesterday I was calling that the golden era of the rush ticket. So I saw a ton of theater that summer.

Jessica

Mmm.

yancy

And I just remember being like, if I have to sit in the audience and watch a show and watch somebody my age performing on stage and I'm like healthy and fully able-bodied but not dancing, I'm gonna be miserable. So like just the thought of it made me like tear up, I remember. And I was like, okay, I guess I'm doing this. But yeah, it was a bit of a slow path into the actual working and I'm really glad for it because now it feels like, you know, years into it, it feels like all those things are sort of relevant to what I'm doing, what I'm doing now. And it's nice to have an octopus career. I think that was Jason Attune that said that phrase first when I heard it, but it's nice to sort of have your hand in a lot of different pots.

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

yancy

Yeah, that's it. I have curly hair like a lion. And what else? You need to know about me. I'm not sure, I have a lot of energy, but I also love sleep.

Jessica

Mm. That's a great human bio. Mm. I love mac and cheese.

yancy

My favorite food is mac and cheese. Yeah, there it is, I'm done.

yancy

I do too. I could eat it every, I don't, but I could eat it every day. Number one comfort food.

Jessica

Yeah. I love mac and cheese. That's the summary of your whole human bio. I love mac and cheese. So when you were growing up, what was your training like?

yancy

Oh, my mom signed me up for my first dance class when I was seven, which hilariously is sort of late for girls, girl identifying littles, but it was just right for me. And in the beginning we were just taking, you know, like our first dance studio was Miss Sarah's and it was like exactly what you're picturing, I think. Yeah, and we were taking just ballet and tap. And then when we got old enough, we got to start taking jazz. And then that studio was purchased by my friend Jamie Truman, who, she moved the location and I don't know, I guess that was my first introduction to like competition dance. So I did compete growing up and like sort of the end of middle school and all of high school. And I loved it. I know competition dance has, you know, its complications. But I loved it. It was amazing for me. It was great to be performing all the time. And once we started competing, I say we, cause my sister did that as well. Once we started competing, we were at the studio like four or five times a week. I was there every day. It felt like, um, and we were also playing sports. I was a bit of a jock at the time. So I would like have practice and then I would go to the studio.

Jessica

What sports?

yancy

Um, I played volleyball in the fall. I played basketball. Not every year, but several years. And I ran track. I was pretty fast actually. I was a sprinter and that was hard because it's, um, like the, your body responds differently to sprinting than it does to I'd say like ballet in particular. Um, so I was really tight. I remember like, that's the first time I sort of very gently got injured. Cause my hamstrings were just like so tight, like a rock. Yeah. And again, like a really good experience. I also like still at this time, there's an amazing arts high school in Dallas called Booker T. Booker T. Washington High School for the Performing Arts. I did not go there, but I had quite a few friends who were there. And I was still in this period of time where like, nobody in my family, you know, people were musical, people were creative, but like nobody in my family had ever pursued an artistic career. And so I didn't really have an example of what that could look like. And I will say like in competing, there's usually like a class element that would go along with that. And a lot of for whatever reason in the competition circuit I was in, a lot of those teachers were based in LA. And so the only career I kind of saw modeled growing up was in commercial dance, where a lot of people's dream was to dance for an artist, like a recording artist. And I think at the time that… I didn't feel like the best fit for me. And I was doing theater at school, but I just hadn't put together that there were other options yet. It sounds crazy now. But yeah, I hadn't connected the dots like there were other forms of dance I could pursue. And so it wasn't until again, college where I was getting exposed to, cause I was still taking dance at Wash U and traveling other places to dance. And that's when I started to get exposed to other career options. Yeah. I don't know if that answered your question, but that was the journey.

Jessica

Yeah. How did you stay dancing when you were in school and having a different major?

yancy

So one of the professors in the department, his name is Cecil Slaughter, has a company in St. Louis called The Slaughter Project. And I danced for Slaughter Project pretty much all four years of college. And I was not the only one. There were a lot of students from WashU that would also rehearse with the company and perform with the company. And there was like a full roster of class. I think I did not want to major in the department because at the time to me, it felt like a very academic major as opposed to a conservatory style major. Um, but the classes were good. I still took class. Um, and then I'll say that after I graduated from college, I did a year at Joffrey Valley school here in New York, and then that ended with a summer at San Francisco Conservatory, which is no longer there. But I did some pretty intensive dance training right after I graduated, which was a real gift. And that's sort of how I got into professional shape. Because with all things, it just takes reps. So I kind of did that at, I mean, I was still dancing all the time, but I wasn't dancing every day in college. That came later Um, yeah, a lot of ballet, a lot of ballet. Ballet is so hard. And, you know, you and I have talked about like all of the, the particulars of that style of training, um, that make life interesting, but, um, it is the thing that like, I don't know, gave me control over my limbs, like made me understand. I like changed my relationship with strength and with pain and, you know, I had to put in my time at the barre because I always loved it and I always had a sort of innate understanding of how I moved or how I like to move. I've always been pretty good at...

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

yancy

like seeing someone demonstrate choreography and translating it so that it felt right on me. But I did need some time to technically figure myself out. And I'll say, you know, San Francisco Conservatory is not there anymore of dance, but they don't have mirrors in their spaces and their studio spaces. And that was life-changing for me because it got me out of my head

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

yancy

like the critical brain had to turn off because you had to sort of memorize how everything felt. You had to embody whatever the notes were you were getting. And I grew a lot that summer just because, you know, my attention was sort of in the body and not in the mirror. Not everybody likes that. That's not for everybody, but for me, it changed my whole life.

Jessica

Yes.

Jessica

I think even if you don't want to do it on a regular basis, having that experience is so profound because we're supposed to be moving from within ourselves, from our being, from our spirit and our body. And instead we're trying to make whatever you want that shape to look like. And you only see that from an external perspective. And also the thing that's crazy about mirrors is that if you're looking at yourself in the mirror, Most of the time, your line or your shape or whatever you're trying to do, it's going to be completely different than when you actually translate it to stage.

yancy

Yeah, I mean, it's literally a flipped image. Yeah. Well, that's the thing for me too, is like, there's that tension, right? It's a visual art form and it's also so athletic and so physical. So I understand wanting to use the mirror in some aspects, but when you get out there, there is no mirror, you know, when you get on stage, there's no crutch.

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

yancy

There's no visual support system, it's just you. So I don't think I had realized until I went to, until I was in that program that I had been leaning on it so heavily. And even now, you know, I sometimes assist or work as an associate for choreographers. And, you know, if I close the curtain on the mirror, there's always somebody who panics. Cause we really, you become very used to it. No matter.

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

yancy

I find no matter how old a dancer is, like it's universal in the training among generations. But yeah, sometimes I'm like, I don't know how much this is helping. We just want like part of it because yeah, you're right. You're, you're, you cannot, you can't actually rely on it. You can't know for sure if it's telling you the truth. The mirror.

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

Jessica

Yeah, it can be helpful in some ways. Like if I will point out to a student, oh, turn to the side and see how, like see what's actually happening and then notice how it feels. So you know we don't want this look, like let's say you're sickling your foot in your passe. We know we don't want this. I'm gonna tell you physically how to change that, but I also want you to see that this is what that feeling will change aesthetically. So something like that.

yancy

Yeah, yeah. And getting on the same page. Like I think, you know, if you're exactly, if you're going for a certain shape or if it's choreography and you're going for a certain look, it can be helpful to see what the other person is doing and compare, but you know, comparison gets slippery really fast. So, you know, like everything in moderation.

Jessica

Yeah, I want to take a moment to point out your incredibly unique and determined trajectory and the fact that you have gone on to do these amazing things. You have your own company, you've done Broadway, you've done TV, you're just incredible. And you didn't go to school for a dance explicitly. You don't have a dance major. And like you're saying, you spent a majority of your like getting in shape to be a professional mind, body, spirit after you graduated from college. And I just want people to hear that because I went to an intensive conservatory style program and it broke me and I'm still unraveling and healing from it. And there's no clear path. Everything is individual. If you love to dance, Find a way to keep it in your life. Create your own relationship with it. Find the environments that you actually feel supported in. Don't accept less than you deserve in that context. Don't say yes to something just because you think on paper it's a good idea. Listen to your heart, follow your intuition. And I'm not saying it was, I don't want to put words in your mouth and say that it was an easy decision and it's 100% the right decision. All that stuff. But just to say that you've carved a brilliant life and career for yourself, having done something that a lot of people would feel afraid to do if they wanted to pursue that path.

yancy

Thanks. Yeah, I mean, like I was saying, like I really have, when I look back, I just think that it's inevitable that I would have ended up here no matter what. I'm really glad that I took the path that I did, but I did sort of, I feel lucky that I came into the world with some pretty strong passions already, already formed. And I am grateful. I will say like when I was training, when I got to New York and I did that training year and then even after that I was doing work study the following year I was taking a ton of class. And I did notice that I wasn't burnt out. And I'll say that some of my peers at the time were hanging on by a thread. I think it's tricky because there's a balance, right? And we don't always get it right. Like you are…

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

yancy

you're training for something really difficult and you're training to perform at a very high level. And so you do wanna push yourself to a point, but I don't believe…For many people, pushing yourself to the brink Is too much, I think. Like I said, I love sleep, but I think rest is a big part of it. You know, there's a time to push yourself and there's a time to process. There's a time for breaks. And it's a tricky, I think sometimes that, I can't speak. that because I didn't have that experience but to me it seems like sometimes the problem was just like people were pushed way too hard and actually this career it's a long game and I say that as someone who is a sprinter like it's it is a long game and what the goal for me is to make sure that I can do it for as long as I can so I'm actually aiming for You know, I want to work hard and I love being a student. Um, you know, and I love like, you know, getting sweaty, getting gnarly or like being an acting intensive and like being there for hours, but, um, I'm, I'm aiming for sustainability,

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

yancy

And I think maybe that mentality is a little bit different than at least what I was warned of, taught, I'm not sure, what the energy or what the vibe was coming into it. I think like when I moved here, there was a lot of language that was like, dance till you're 30 or like, you know, like dance in your 20s and then you have the rest of your life to do something else and I don't really wanna do anything else. Acting is a little bit different. Um, even, you know, playing music is a little bit different, but I, I want to do all of it for a long time. So yeah. And like follow your bliss a little bit. Like there's a lot of like punishment lingo in the training that is not super useful for me now as a kind of grownup. I'm a grownup maybe. Um, yeah, here we are. We did it. Sort of.

Jessica

Mm-hmm. Yes, you are.

yancy

I'm looking for like the most ease-filled way to push myself. So signing up for classes that I'm really excited about, working with teachers that I know will push me or that have a different perspective, keeping everything regular, like staying in a regular voice lesson. You know, yeah, it's work, but I try to find like the most joy-filled path towards training. I want it to still feel fun.

Jessica

Hmm.

yancy

Otherwise, like, I don't know, people will disagree with me, but I really think grit can only get you so far. Like grit gets you out of bed in the morning, but the day is long and you run out of willpower by the end. So you should look forward to the stuff that you're working on. And I think it's okay to shift and change. When I moved to New York, I moved to pursue a career in concert dance. And that lasted maybe a year. I was freelance dancing only, and I started auditioning for theater that year.

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

yancy

and I started taking a voice lesson that year and I started taking an acting class that year and all those things were things I had done before for fun. Like I took voice lessons in college for fun. Also because it was so cheap. Wow, now that I'm taking them here in New York, I'm like, oh my God. And I did like theater camp as a kid and I did the school plays and I took an acting one and a voice and speech class in college, all these things because I wanted to. And so when that door started to open professionally, I was really open to it and I was game. And so I've been lucky. I've worked a lot, but that part of it was like a, a certain amount of openness to what was exciting me. Um, and not sort of keeping myself in one box. Especially then there was like a little bit of, you know, like sellout stigma. Like if you switched to theater and you were trying to be a concert dancer, there was like a little bit, maybe I'm projecting this, but there was a little bit of an energy of like, oh, you couldn't hack it in the concert world. And for me, my first theater job, the pay was not good, but there was a traveling PT. She came with us on the road.

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

yancy

She was at every show. There was a health insurance option. The salary was regular. There was per diem. And I just was like, oh, again, it's a sustainability thing. Like I can take care of myself and do this eight times a week. And I hadn't experienced that before in concert dance at the time. You weren't paid for rehearsal. You got a performance stipend. If you got hurt, there was one, you know, one time I was rehearsing, I got really sick, like 101 degree fever.

and there were no sick days. I like went to rehearsal and laid on the floor between runs, like there was no, there was just no support for an off day and theater has its problems with that too, although we're certainly in a better space after COVID, I think, dot, dot. But it did make, yeah, TBD, have we learned? I'm not sure. Yeah, but it felt.

Jessica

TBD.

yancy

I felt more like I was being taken care of or that I could take care of myself with all those things in place. And there was like simple, basic human things, but they didn't exist for a freelance concert dancer when I first got here. So yeah, that's how I ended up doing theater. And then I would just, I was like, I've always made my own stuff, so I'll just make the work, you know, whatever it is I'm not getting from my job, from my contracts, I can just make on the side. That's when I started doing like dance films and shows. Sometimes not on the side, but mostly on the side. Sometimes they take over your whole life. Yeah.

Jessica

Mm-hmm. Just to quickly know about this college conversation and carving your own path, I think it's not like I'm saying being in a conservatory is bad and you don't need it. There's so much good that comes from it. It just depends on who's leading it, how you're being treated and how you know how to take care of yourself. And I love that you are talking about bringing it back to joy, because I do believe that that's one of the biggest pieces I'm trying to heal. And I've noticed about people around me who've been in these intensive programs are trying to heal is that the art form that we loved was our source of joy and expression. And then it became about a grade and a job and being told what to do and not having our own sense of empowerment at all and certainly not having joy. That was gone. So I love that you're talking about, yeah, it's fun to train hard. It's fun to challenge yourself. It's fun to be completely out of breath after a run, but are you in a safe space? And what are you doing it for? Are you doing it to try to please somebody else? Are you not advocating for yourself when you're sick or hurt?

yancy

Mm-hmm.

Jessica

Or do you have someone who wants to push you to your limit while also respecting that you're a human being who needs to be cared for as well?

yancy

Yeah, yeah, I don't know what that, I mean, like let's say what's going on too. Our teachers were dancers themselves. Like at one point they were experiencing the same thing. So it's like at what point are we gonna change that?

Jessica

with people like you in the leadership roles.

yancy

I hope so, I guess. And you know, I feel like there's things for me to learn too. You know, I notice now that I'm not the youngest person in the room anymore. You know, in dance, when I was growing up, it was pretty taboo to ask a question. You never asked a question that you could answer yourself ever. And you never asked a question right away. You had to see if you could answer it for yourself first. And people would shame young students for asking questions. And now, it does not appear to be the case anymore. So I have my own learning to do on like, oh. Like, what questions am I not asking that would actually like help quite a bit? At what point am I being a good little student instead of just asking the thing. But yeah, I feel like it's just, hopefully it's just going to keep trending upward, you know, keep changing for the better. And I do really strongly believe, and this was like a big, this is a big foundation of Minute Zero, my company, what we are in, we're changing, we're changing quite a bit there, under.

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

yancy

maybe by the time this comes out, it will be like more public. But we're shifting what kind of business we are. But in the last seven years, like a big thing has been supporting the artist and the performer and treating them really well because I really believe that if you feed people and you give them breaks and you pay them well you get the best performances out of them and you also get great talent. I've always been really proud of the people that we bring on shows or on gigs you know sometimes we don't do this anymore but client gigs, client based work, events like I'm always just like

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

yancy

sort of looking around with stars in my eyes at the talent we get to work for us. And I hope it's because we pay well, we feed everybody, they get breaks. They like, you know, their clothes are clean, their shoes fit, you know, again, it's like basic human stuff, but it's not always been a given. Um, and there's a lot of people or let's not, let's not say a lot. There are people out there who, um, believe that it is dumb to spend all your money on the talent and that you can cut a lot of corners there and Maybe that's a case-by-case basis. But for us the one thing we wouldn't skimp on is how we treat the artists because You only get like one body, you know You only have like that's your whole business is just you walking around and like taking good care of yourself So that should extend to the work that you're doing

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

Jessica

Mm-hmm. And so often artists have been told that they are disposable. Like, okay, there are 1 million of you. If you get hurt, if you want to fight for more money, whatever, we don't need you. So we'll just take someone else. So to have a company where you're not just valuing the dancer, you're also valuing the artist, the artist's voice, and also that human being and showing you are unique, you are special, you are valuable, this is what we can offer you. We would offer you more if we could, this is the best we can do. And I think it's pretty good. So come, come with us and the talent you had at that, at Miscellania.

yancy

Yeah. Oh, at Miscellania, they were unbelievable. Well, and that's a thing too, like that project was in-house. So, you know, the pay was good, but it wasn't as juicy as if it had been like, you know, for Sony or Under Armourers, you know, like for a client, but it's also communicating everything upfront and being really clear with people. Like this is, these are the expectations, this is your schedule.

Jessica

Oh my gosh.

yancy

this is what you'll make, so that you can say yes or no, so that you can go in knowing exactly what you're in for. And like being clear about what the project is, and you know, it is hard to, it's hard to put up shows, it's really hard to produce. I'm so proud of Miscellania, but it did take a lot out of me to put that show up. And yeah, I think you have to decide going in that that's a priority.

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

yancy

and that you're not going to slip or compromise on certain things. And for me, that was one of them. It's like making sure that everybody's taken care of. Yeah.

Jessica

Mm-hmm. How did you come to start your company and what has that process been like for you?

yancy

Um, yeah, my gosh. I mean, we're talking about this really at a weird time because Minute Zero is transitioning into being more of like an in-house theater, like pop-up self-creation machine. But I met my co-founders of that company during a show called Queen of the Night, which is like a big immersive theater show in New York. One of the most insane and wonderful experiences of my life. The show could not exist today for many reasons. We had a lot of freedom in that show to play and to be a bit mischievous. Yeah, and like, you know, it was pretty sexy and in a lot of good ways we've progressed, right? Like we didn't have language around. So the show, part of the theater that happens in the show, is something called a one-on-one, which I think a lot of people have.

Jessica

I'm like, do tell?

yancy

probably experienced by now, but at the time it was a bit newer and it meant that we had built these sort of curated improvised experiences for guests, for audience members of the show. And the show didn't happen on a stage, it happened all around the space. The space is built for this project. And it just...

Jessica

Just to quickly interject that for people listening who have maybe heard of sleep no more, it's that kind of vibe. Yeah.

yancy

Oh, yes, and the same producing team, actually. Yeah, and I mean, it was joyful. And I really felt like I got to meet like the people of New York doing that show. But you were like going into rooms with a person and like having like kind of deep conversations. And I feel like the language around consent didn't exist in the way it does now. So, you know, like I think it would be hard to build it now and ignore what we know about like being safe and protecting the other person's like emotional vulnerability. But it was incredible. And I like, I would have such profound experiences in three and a half minutes with somebody that I will never see again. And I became very close with the cast of that show. As a result, we're still really great friends. And a group of us formed the company after that show.

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

yancy

because the immersive theater became sort of buzzy right after. And so like, there were a lot of people looking to do pop-ups and events that had that kind of spirit. You know, like, I think that's wonderful. I think it's great. I think for us, we've found over the years that it's hard to… We know how good it can be, right? Like we know how rich that experience can be when there's time to really build it and do it well. And I think it's hard in like an event space to do something really like bold and creative. I think that's a little scary for people. And so we found ourselves kind of doing like, like a more flat version of the thing that we love. And I think eventually that has made us more reluctant to do it in like a pop-up event space. Because what people really want is so simple in a party setting, you know, like, it's a different, it's a different vibe and you have less time to set up like what the rules of the world are, you know? But yeah.

Jessica

Hmm.

And you were doing it for pretty major clients.

yancy

Eventually, you know, it was a slow start and like, you know, I was talking about the pay, like even in the beginning, like the pay wasn't as good, but it was like, the majority of our budget has always been like passed through straight to the performers. But yeah, we started, we put up a concept of a show, like we kind of started doing a little bit of everything and eventually, yeah, we did get to work for some pretty big clients, which was cool. But Yeah, now it's really interesting. The 10 year anniversary of that show opening is this New Year's Eve. And we've all changed so much and, everybody is branching out in different directions and still mostly creative, but not all in the performing arts anymore. My friend Emily has become like this really incredible painter. My day, those two are, the three of us, I co-owned the business and my day is like just on a roll choreographing so many amazing projects and like it's really taking off which is exciting and I started acting a lot more and so like that you know just the shape and the energy has really changed and I think going forward will mostly be self producing and that will give us the flexibility to make stuff that feels like who we are now as opposed to being like really tied to this thing that's now, you know, it's 10 years old. It's been a long time. Yeah, but it was cool. And I think doing a show like that, doing any project like that, that sort of pushes you out of your comfort zone and also makes you responsible for the safety and wellbeing of a person that you don't know. I grew up a lot doing that show and I had to.

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

yancy

We had characters in the show, but it was like the most extreme versions of ourselves. You know, like you embrace a sort of very bold part of you in order to do that kind of thing. And that was really good information for me. You know, I learned a lot about myself doing that and I'm a different person now than I was then, but there are things that I miss about that. Like in a space like that, there are no accidents. So if you run into someone, like we treated everything like it was on purpose. So I didn't really say I'm sorry to people while I was in the cast of that show. Like that word sort of fell out of my vocab. And it's back now because I'm a woman in America and we're socialized to be sorry for everything. But I try to remember that, like to not apologize for, like not everything is an accident, you know? Running into someone can be like a crazy cool coincidence or surprise in your day. And so, you know, it's a small thing, but there was something about that experience that fed a really sort of healthy confidence, I think, as opposed to ego, just like a

Jessica

Hmm.

yancy

confidence that comes from curiosity and putting more of your attention on the other person than on yourself.

Jessica

beautiful. Quickly, rewinding. So you've moved to New York, you do BDC, you do Joffrey, then what?

yancy

Mm-hmm.

yancy

So I talked about this a little bit, but then I started freelance dancing. I was, you know, doing shows, performing for different choreographers, and I was auditioning for theater. And it was during that year that I booked the National Tour of West Side Story, and that was my first theater job. I feel like that's so many dancers first way in. So I did that for a year, and then I came back, and that's when I went into Queen of the Night. My Queen of the Night audition was my first audition back. And it's made me really superstitious, I have to say, I'm always like, my first one back is always a great one. But it is like, I miss auditioning when I haven't done it in a while. Especially like, I think dance auditions are really fun. And yeah, that was my first audition back. And it was like such a unusual audition too. So I did that, I did that show. The show had already opened. I stayed with the show until it closed, which was a year and three months later. And then, yeah, I started, you know, like you do, like working all over, doing a bunch of regional theater. And I had some really cool experiences doing that. And oh, my Broadway debut was Summer, the Donna Summer musical, 2018. And I remember walking in that day on my first day there. I had just closed a show at the Guthrie in Minneapolis and I flew home. It closed on a Sunday. I flew home on Monday and I like reported at the theater for my debut or to start rehearsal on that Tuesday. And I remember walking in and being like, oh, it's the same. And in so many ways it's not the same, but I just was like

Jessica

Hmm.

yancy

Oh, I still sign in at the call board. I still check in with stage management. I still go, I mean, you know, they showed me where my station was, but I still go to my dressing room. Like there was so much of it that was, that felt like deja vu that I was like, oh, uh-huh, theater is theater, no matter where you do it. Broadway is a different machine. There are things that are different about it, but at the, you know, at the heart of it, I was like, oh, it's the same. How funny to have worked so long to try to get to a place and be like, oh, I was doing it the whole time, which was cool for the most part. Maybe that sounds sad to some people, but for me I was like, oh, it's kind of comforting.

Jessica

No, I think it's... Yes. It's grounding. It's humbling.

yancy

Yeah, it is humbling. Broadway, my first show. You can't swing, you can't cover as many tracks as I was covering anymore. So I like, from that moment on, like sort of fell into a hole that was the show. And I was studying all the time and working so hard and then it was over, you know, like I kind of came out at the end of that, like what just happened? It was such an intense experience and I was covering one of the principals, Ariana DeBose was playing disco Donna, Donna in the middle of her life at that point and I was her so I also had my principal Broadway debut on that contract but like everything was such a whirlwind and it was so intense and yeah I really felt after it was over after the show closed I felt like I had like tweety birds flying around my head you know like I just was like It was great training. I used to call it Broadway bootcamp, but it was hard and it was intense and I didn't really, it was hard for me to take time off when I felt responsible for so much and I had to let go of being a perfectionist doing that. I think swinging is really great for letting go of perfectionism because it's just not possible and it actually will set you up to fail. So yeah, good lessons, but I wouldn't call it experience. Like it...

Jessica

Yeah.

yancy

It was educational and important, sort of foundational, me growing up into where I'm at now, crucial. But we were talking about fun earlier, and I don't know that I was like, I had moments of joy during it, but it was really like a, for a lot of it, keep your head down and work really hard, study a lot, and I was on my own learning a lot. Oh, so the whole thing was so crazy. The cast, so many members of that cast were so kind to me and I'm really grateful for them. But it was, you know, there's a lot of solo prep that I experienced.

Jessica

How many tracks did you cover?

yancy

I covered 12 plus Ari, so 13 total. So dumb, so crazy. Now I think eight is the max I was on all the time. I came in, you know, like they've been going for a while and so people were tired and they really needed the coverage. They did not have enough swings to start out with. And this is before, you know, this is pre pandemic now. I feel like the swing teams are a better size. So the second I was ready to go on, I did go on. And I remember.

Jessica

How, were you on all the time?

yancy

I think I was on every day for a month when I first got there, which is a great way to learn the show. But I like, you know, I also had scheduled, people had scheduled out, so I knew I would be on. But I think I like, I had gone through my first five tracks, maybe first six in that month. It was bananas, it was so crazy. And it was good for me, it really was. It was.

Jessica

Yeah.

yancy

Not easy, but it was good for me because I am, you know, I have a whole complex about getting things right or doing things right. Um, it's, that was good. It made me work hard and like pay attention and, you know, perform even under crazy circumstances, but, um, I really had to learn how to like have a little bit more freedom and flexibility with that. And then like, I'll say after that, my, it completely changed the way I auditioned. It's so different now because. Yeah. You just, you learn to be like a little bit more free inside of the parameters of what you think.

Jessica

Hmm

yancy

the thing is and like that relaxed me maybe. And I think it gave a better picture of who I actually am in a rehearsal setting, like when I'm auditioning. So I feel like the rooms that I was auditioning in, they became like a lot friendlier, a lot warmer after that because I had like sort of let go of the grip a little bit, which is hard to do, you know?

Jessica

Hmm

yancy

That happened 100% because of swinging. I don't know, I wish I had advice for like how to let go a little bit, but that is the goal. It's like set yourself up to, I don't know, to be free enough to do like good work and to play a little bit. Like the goal is to relax, which is a hard thing to do in an adrenaline filled situation, but that is sort of my goal is. Maybe be part of my body, I can relax to try and get it there. So that I can actually like focus on the work. Ah, the work. I hate saying the work, but focus on the script. I'll say that. Focus on the text.

Jessica

The work.

Yeah. How long was that contract for you? And within that, how long do you think it took to get comfortable in a given track? Like how many times that you did it? Did you have rehearsals? What was that like?

yancy

I did rehearse in the beginning, yes. And the assistant dance captain in particular spent a lot of time getting me ready to go on the show, but it was fast, it was really fast. And I'm a fast learner, but sometimes it doesn't always serve me because, and I was learning how to speak up and say what I needed, so there's that. But I didn't, it would look like I had gotten something and what I had really gotten is like a schwack of the thing, like a shape. And I needed more reps and I didn't always get that. Um, but I'll say like, even doing a track once is a ton of information. And it is really hard to stimulate that when you're by yourself in a studio. So I'd say once I'd done something like two or three times, I felt really good about it. Um, and you know, like you get your, I'll say by the end of that, I was only at the show for the last five months. So it really felt like a whirlwind. But I had like my, by the end of that, like I'd say my favorite four tracks that they could have like, I could have swung on mid show and I felt like I'll be okay doing it. They were also the tracks that I went in for the most. So I think there's that, like you build, muscle memory is crazy. And so you start to build like.

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

yancy

information, muscular information for the stuff that you do a bunch. Yeah. And I did, I went in quite a bit and then, you know, when they announced they were closing, I stopped going in a lot. So I was hanging out a lot more at the theater and that was cool too, you know, like I watched the show a bunch. And it is interesting to like sort of, to be watching and to see a show from so many vantage points, you know, stage right, stage left, to see what the crew's up to, to watch from the house from so many different places over and over and over again. Like you really start to understand something about like the team, the like team building of it all. But yeah, that was just five months, it was quick. And then I went into the Cher Show, I call it, that was my year of the diva. And that contract was so different in so many ways. They had a bigger swing team there, I was there as a vacation swing. So I had set dates and I would swing on like normal. I was there for the length of my contract, I was still there every day, but yeah, it was like a much more chill and fun, I'll say experience as a result, because I'd sort of gone through this period of learning. So I felt more ready I think the second time. And I had like an incredible team supporting me at Cher. I'll say that too they were really amazing.

Jessica

Do you have any funny swing stories where you fucked something up?

yancy

My very first show, the track I the very first record player would come up out of the stage and then these three backup singers in sparkle dresses would enter from downstage right. And I was the first one on and we had these mic stands. and my very first performing steps on a Broadway stage, I walked in with the mic, but I had adrenaline coursing, okay, through my veins, like the Hulk. And I slammed the microphone down too hard, like as part of the choreography, and swung it out, also part of the choreography, and the mic itself popped out, landed on the stage, and was rolling around on the floor in my single spot. And I just was like, okay, this is how this is gonna go. And I had like all the costume mishaps that shit. Like, I don't know if it was self-fulfilling or if that's just what it feels like, but I remember being like in the semi-dark in silhouette being like, great, this is how this is gonna feel. And I had to pick up the mic in my little dress and put it back in and jump back in, you know, like it's not that deep in a scheme, the grand scheme of things, but I just remember being like, God, I've only taken three steps.

Jessica

This is why swings are amazing because normally that kind of shit happens in rehearsals and then in tech rehearsals and then in dress rehearsals and then in previews and you are getting all of this stuff out of your system. You're learning exactly how hard you need to. But as a swing, you know, okay, I know in my head that I have to go and walk on with this mic stand and put it down. It's not even if you've done it a couple of times, maybe sometimes you haven't done anything. Sometimes you haven't touched a prop.

yancy

Yeah.

Jessica

And so you're just saying, okay, I know in theory that I have to do this thing, it's not in my body yet. And I'm trying to also remember everything that I'm doing. And so there are only things that you learn. Yeah.

yancy

Yeah, and like calm myself down. Yeah, they had warned me. I had been warned. They're like, be careful. That mic will pop out. And I proved them right. They're just like, only so much. Yeah, you're like, okay, heard, understood. I've now experienced it. Yeah, but who cares? You know, there is like.

Jessica

Yes, you were like, yes, you are right.

Jessica

Yeah. I just have the utmost respect for swings. It's the craziest thing ever.

yancy

I know, I don't do it anymore, lol. And I just bow down at the feet of those swing teams. I do think it's good for people to swing or understudy at least once in their career to feel what that feels like. And you know, like every show is different. Like I know people who love doing it. So yeah, definitely like it can be a great job and great fit for people. But yeah, I was like, okay, I've done this a few times and now.

Jessica

Yeah.

yancy

I think that's it for me. I still love covering, you know, but.

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

yancy

I would rather cover a couple of tracks, one or two than 12. You can't do that anymore. They cut it down to eight. In my opinion, the sweet spot is six, but now you can't have more than eight tracks. And maybe it depends on the show and how much dance there is and how full everybody's tracks are. If it's not like, if the show is not as physically demanding, maybe it's easier to do more. I wouldn't know.

Jessica

Yeah, yeah. I think I swung on 12 or 13 times all year on Fiddler.

yancy

You told me this. Good for your cast. They better, they better do other shows. Yeah.

Jessica

Yeah, so… We were all so young. Everyone was just young and chillin and enjoying. It was a hard show on the body. It is so hard. But it was most of our first, yeah, Fiddler. It was most of our first times doing anything like that. A lot of us came from concert dance and it was my first job ever. It was my first musical I'd ever done in my life, not even in high school, nothing.

yancy

Yeah, yes. It's so beautiful that we're talking about Fiddler.

Jessica

And so I just was desperately trying to keep up. But all that said, the two female dance tracks, which were like the hardest ones I covered.

Jessica

they each called out I think only four times. So I went on, there was a planned time for me to go on in let's say October. I think I went on two times in December. This is for one track. So once in October, two times December, once January and then once in March, the week before the shutdown. It wasn't until that time in March that I was like, oh, okay, that was a good run.

yancy

I feel good about it. Yeah. It takes a couple. Yeah. What did I say? Three? That sounds right to me. Like you were done each one four times. Yeah. It takes a few. 

Jessica

Yeah, especially when it's spread out.

Yancy

Yeah. Because there's also like the first one you learn a ton. The second one, in my experience, usually feels better because you can apply the information from the first. And then the third one is sort of like a sneaky gotcha because you think you're good. But you make a whole new set of different mistakes.

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

yancy

But by number four, you're like, okay, I get it. 

Jessica

And also coming from concert dance, there was so much, like in rehearsals, I remember we were learning tradition, the opening number, and it's a song I know and love, and it's been in my soul since I was a baby. I was so excited to be doing this on a stage and we're learning, and I'll never forget, we learned the choreography, and then they're like, okay, let's try it all. And they start playing tradition and none of the dancers are singing. The people who came from a concert were like, oh, we, I get it. I get it now. Let's try it again.

yancy

I'm supposed to sing.

Jessica

I'm supposed to sing. Wow, that's really hard. Like, I'm just trying to learn this choreography and I have to sing too. And then there's like insane costume changes, learning how to do pin curls, changing, like figuring, remembering all the props, doing the set changes. All of those things were almost more difficult than the choreography because choreography, I knew it. It was ingrained in my body. I mean, the only thing choreography wise that I would mess up is the spacing a little bit, because I'd been in the space with these people maybe two times. Maybe.

yancy

Yeah Yeah Yeah.

yancy

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you see it, like you start to feel where your holes are, you know, like you can kind of adjust as you're going. Yeah, yeah, I do think that stamina is, I always say the only way to do it is to do it. Like to be dancing and singing full out, like it's a specific kind of shape and you can work out and train in your off time, but getting in show shape, like that's why rehearsal is there.

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

yancy

You know, sometimes I worry when the rehearsal process is too short. You know, you're like, you need runs to get, to really get your stamina in. I guess it depends on like how you build your track and how much you're doing, but it is a thing to dance and sing, pull out at the same time, run around, change your costume, get back out there. It's really fun, but it, you know, if you haven't done it in a while, you're like, oh yeah, that's what that feels like.

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

Jessica

Mm hmm. What was the transition like for you having been this major dancer who was coming into musical theater and then doing a principal acting role on Broadway? What was that like?

yancy

Oh, hmm. Acting. Um, acting, yeah. Well...

Jessica

Acting!

yancy

I don't know, my acting journey so far has been really different than both the dancing and the singing because I've always really loved it. And every time I could take a scene study class, I did for fun. For me, that was my fun treat. And so I'll say for a while, it was happening kind of quietly in the background. I was just taking class and getting my scenes. And scene study class in New York is the best because it's such a mix of people. Even schools that you audition for, there's lawyers in the class, there's people who are like, oh, I just dabble, there's professionals. I really like having that kind of mix. I also find a lot of acting communities to be very friendly, inclusive places. So yeah, so I was taking class on the side and not always noticing how it was starting to like in a positive way, like upward spiral my career. Or I was being given more to do, especially because in the beginning I would audition as a dancer. But I was being like, you know, even on West Side story, I like by the end I was covering almost all of them, all the women, but it would happen slowly over time. And so I wasn't always clocking that was happening. And you know, by the time I got to summer, I would say like the scene work, there were a lot of dialects to cover that show funnily enough, but the scene work, I felt like the most playful about, and again, like a little bit less rigid in like how it needed to go. So like some of my fondest memories of going on was like doing the scenes with the actors on stage who had been doing it the same way for a while. And then I was a new person and you can feel that sort of like, ooh, like this is a new exciting thing happening and I have like, you know these mental snapshots of some of those scenes. And it's a really happy, that's a happy stage memory for me with doing that stuff. And yeah, and then. You know, I was still, I'm still a chorus girl. You know, I was still mostly working as a dancer first who could cover all these other things. And it was during the pandemic when we met that I was taking a ton of on camera on Zoom because to me that was the only thing that felt like it really translated digitally. I, you know, I admire all the people who taught class, taught dance class during the pandemic, but that kind of broke my heart. It was hard for me.

So I was taking some dance online, but mostly what I was doing was acting on camera classes. And I kind of haven't stopped. That's when it became like regular, like a monthly thing. And by monthly, I guess I mean weekly, but like I was signing up for class every month. Yeah. Yes. And so now I get to do you know, the more you train, like the more fun doors open and I'm doing a play at the end of the summer, which I'm really excited about. 

Jessica

Tell us about that, please.

Yancy

And I'm doing a play, it's a modern adaptation of the older play and film, Gaslight. It's a thriller. I guess the play is 1938 and the film is 1940 with Ingrid Bergman. She won her Oscar for that. And this one, it still takes place at the same time, but it's a new script. And it's where the term gaslighting comes from. So I'm going to be gaslit for two and a half hours every night. I mean, who knows what the runtime is, but yeah, I'm really excited for that. Because a lot of what I've done so far has still been in the world of musical theater. And so it'll be cool to do something. You know, that is mostly about the acting. I mean, everything's mostly about the acting, but you know, it's about the text. It's about the words and the no dancing at all, no singing at all, you know? That'll be new for me, but I'm excited for that.

Jessica

Mm-hmm the text, baby

Jessica

That is exciting. So what are you looking for now? And how are you right now? What's going on in that heart right now?

yancy

How's my soul? Um, I'm good. I'm good. I'm definitely you know, this maybe sounds like hokey, but I can feel that I'm in a transition period. You know when you can tell you're like, oh I'm in the river. Um, and I've been on a bit of a break. Actually my last contract ended in February and I had to take the month of April off for some exciting family stuff. My sister got married and we had some stuff going on, which sort of forced a long break in my schedule. And then when I was auditioning for summer stuff, when the dust settled and I figured out who wanted to work with me and I decided what I wanted to do, my first contract doesn't start till July 10th, which is in a week from when we're recording this. An American in Paris with Al Blackstone, who's just the best, I'm excited for that. 

Jessica

And what are you doing?

Jessica

Where's that gonna be?

yancy

beautiful maybe I think I've never been. Um, sorry. Uh, yeah. So that, uh, being on a break is always like a weird thing in this business. You know, even when it definitely helps to know when the break will end. But You know, I fill my time with a lot of class. I've seen a lot of shows, but you're also like on a budget. You know, you can't go crazy – class opportunities I've had recently. I took an amazing acting intensive in June that I'm still thinking about. And it's been nice to see a lot of theater and a real range of theater. Cause the thing that happens, I feel like when you're in New York, if you have the money to see a bunch of shows, usually you are in a show yourself and your schedule's the exact same. So you can't see anything. So since I have this break and I knew

Jessica

Hmm.

yancy

that I had like a sort of end to the break. I've been trying to see a bunch of stuff. And that's always cool to sort of form your opinion about what you like and what you don't like and what you think is amazing and what resonates. I am grateful for all those opportunities, but it is also like a long time of like, you know, trying to trust your gut and reaffirm your own choices, like this is right, these are the right decisions for me. And limiting my social media time, the comparison game is sneaky and trying to keep my blinders on in the sense that I'm not looking at what other people are up to and worried that I'm behind. It's an anxiety that I've had before, feeling behind. Yeah, so I'm good, I'm excited for both of these contracts coming up, because I feel like they're gonna, they're really different from each other and they're gonna push me and I feel grateful for that. And I would really like to continue to do more acting. It really makes my heart feel full. And I like, I get excited by challenges, even this play. I'm learning so many lines right now and it feels good to pushed in that way. So I hope to do more of that. I also want to do some work on Miscellania, the show we were talking about that I put up last summer. So yeah, spending some time working that out, maybe writing a little bit, which I haven't done much of. I was a writing minor in college, LOL, but I haven't done much writing creative writing since I graduated. So yeah, we'll see. I'm trying to just be, I'm trying to enjoy this time that I have and be open to whatever is coming next. But I am hoping for some, the right kind of big challenges. Sort of what I have my fingers crossed for. Yeah. And I'm certainly not done dancing, but I feel the same way about like,

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

yancy

dance performances I do about choreography. Like it's been a part of me since I showed up on the planet. So it's not going anywhere and you know, I'll always come back to it. It'll always be like a home, a home base. 

Jessica

Mm-hmm. What do you do in moments where you feel like you're having a hard time not comparing yourself or feeling stuck or anything like that?

yancy

Oh, yeah. And that is like, every time I really get in a funk, I remember the last funk. And I always feel a little bit exasperated by it all. You know, we were talking earlier about sustainability and this career being a long game. Dennis Jones said that to me, that it was a long game and I never forgot that. But it makes me resent those like lulls, slow periods especially when they're emotionally low, sad. Because I always, in the moment I'm always like, oh, you think I would have figured out a way to like navigate through this by now, but they just, they happen. And God, I don't know. I mean, sometimes I think it's okay to give into it a little bit. And by that, I mean like take a little bit of solo time, like separate for a moment. And I really like to cook. I like to eat delicious stuff. So like, you know, I'll try to eat something really yummy and like, or watch a comfort movie, read something really inspiring and let myself be a little bit in, you know, sulk, let myself sulk for a moment. And then I have to take a class. For me, like all these years later, the thing that gets me out, if I'm not inspired to work on my own project, I'll say if I'm working on my own stuff, I tend not to notice the breaks as much. But you know, I'm not always. I don't always have the engine for that. It takes a lot to self produce and I may not always be feeling inspired or I might be sort of cooking on something and like waiting for my subconscious brain to deliver an answer to me. And so if I'm not creating something, I have to take a class and I have to just, you know, I am a person who will spend, if I'm investing money in like my learning or my career, I kind of don't think twice about it. So,

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

yancy

I just try to make it work so that I can put my towards, you know, some kind of an intensive, some kind of like, something that will take my focus off of me and where I'm at business wise and onto like the scene or the story of it all. Yeah, that's what I gotta do. And I'll ask, you know, ask around what other people are taking. And I'll try to. Not, you know, lately in the last three years, it's been a lot of, you know, different acting coaches, which is really great, but like, you know, I'll try to be open to what other sort of curiosities are coming up. My sister for Christmas got me like a pasta making class. So like anything that is like. Everybody is different, but for me, like being in that setting, in that format, it feels familiar and I am totally focused in that moment on whatever the task is and not on why I didn't book a job. Um, cause I had some heartbreaks this year. You always do. It's if you're, I, the hope is that the longer you work, the more you audition for stuff that you're really excited about. So I don't think it's ever going to completely go away the disappointment at not booking some of those things. But I think the fight, like disappointment can sometimes be a good sign because you still care. And the fight is to like not make that mean too much about who you are or where you're at or what you're doing. And I think that for me is like when I have to be like, okay, well, I can wallow for tonight and then I have to do something about it. And you'd like. Repeat that cycle over and over again. And me doing something about it is usually a class. Or a walk. It's a random third option. I do like walking around New York. It's good for me. Good for my brain.

Jessica

Hmm. Thank you for sharing that. What I was gonna tell you at the beginning, and I'll use this to wrap up, is that I have frequently, as you know, been so down about myself as a performer, and I had a lot of pain and trauma in college, and I tend to have a hard time not harping on that as a reason for my hesitation now. And I've done a ton of work to overcome, like getting in, going to steps and taking an intermediate ballet class last year was a huge deal for me. And taking acting classes with Heidi and that was a big deal to sign up. And it's really hard for me to re-engage with my body and re-engage with that part of me, which I feel like is the main part of me. I feel like the performance and that is my engine, it's my center. And so I have all of these other passions and projects and things I care so deeply about like this podcast and my teaching and my writing. And it feels like that's the part of me that I tend to try to ignore. But it's almost like when I ignore it, there's a whole part of my inner being that will just forever be gray. And I'm bringing color to all these other aspects of myself,

yancy

Yeah.

Jessica

and that will always be gray. So this morning I was feeling like kind of weird and stuck and I had been doing a lot for this podcast, which I'm so, first of all, I'll say this, I am so proud of myself for doing this because as you know, it's been many years in the making and the only thing holding me back was fear. And I just wanted to have conversations with artists that I love. And that was as simple as it needed to be.

yancy

Yeah, I'm proud of you too.

yancy

Yeah.

Jessica

So I'm doing this and I'm writing on, I'm working on my website and I've been so disconnected from the performing. And so I went into this room here where I'm at and I blasted music and I started just singing some musical theater songs that felt good. And I wasn't thinking anymore. I wasn't stuck in my head. I was embodied. I was free.

yancy

Yes!

Jessica

I was doing what I love to do. And as soon as I stopped it, like two and a half minutes later, because I was coming on to meet you here, I got back into my head. But I remembered that I had this moment of being so engaged with myself and my desires and who I really am deep down. And the reason I thought it was most special that I was coming to talk to you is that

yancy

Yeah.

Jessica

every time I talk to you, I feel a little more connected to myself as a person and as an artist. And you've been incredibly encouraging to me without even ever having seen me perform or do anything at all. And it's really important to find the people who believe in you in the way that you want to believe in yourself and to hold on to them and to check in with them in those moments where you're feeling dulled or dimmed.

yancy

Yeah.

Jessica

And you are certainly that for me. So I appreciate you so much. And I just want to thank you for being you and for all that you've shared with me.

yancy

Oh my gosh, Jess, yeah, of course, thank you. I mean, we've done it for each other, I think is the real thing. And yeah, I mean, I love that. Music is so healing, transformative. And sometimes like, you know, I was talking about class and I know that comes with the cost, but like sometimes we'll just book cheap space somewhere. I know that's harder and harder to find, but it does still exist. And like, I'll go to the studio and if I wanna sing, if I wanna lie down on the floor and stare at the ceiling, but I'll just give myself permission to do whatever. And for me, I think the signing up for stuff, like investing space on my calendar or money, whichever it might be, like it makes me do it. But I think you bring up a good point that the people in your life can really bolster you in those times. And that's a good reminder for me too. You know, I tend to like, I'm married so I have the benefit of being able to talk my husband's ear off whenever I want. But yeah, I tend to go it alone a lot. And I think it is really important to talk to somebody, to find the person in that time who like,

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

yancy

who you know can be the safe space for you and who can like help you snap out of it a little bit. Yeah, and you've definitely been that for me. And you know, the gift of you Jess is that you're so, it's so easy to be honest with you and without any fear of judgment. So I think sometimes it's like finding the person that you know you can be honest with who isn't gonna respond with like shock and horror. And that can take time, but to find those friends, but they're out there. There are some amazing people in this community. And for me, it's the one-on-one, when I need to really talk. It's not a group hang, it's a one-on-one. Yeah, yeah.

Jessica

Yeah. Same, I'm such a one-on-one gal. Yeah, I think when you're a performer, when you're trained very, when you have been trained very intensely, like we are as dancers, it can seem so all or nothing. Like I need to be the best, I need to do the most, I need to be in the best program, I need to be in the best company, whatever it is. And so in talking this out of thought I'm having is I want to sing and the idea of singing on stage again, terrifies me. And to combat that, I did a cabaret with my friend. He had a bunch of his students do a cabaret and it was amazing and I was nervous and I didn't prepare enough and all these things happened that were huge lessons for me, but I walked away like, okay, I'm

yancy

Oh yeah, I remember this.

Jessica

I've taken a step in the right direction. I have, I just was singing on the stage in front of human beings. And so if the step that I need to take today to start gaining my confidence back and start gaining more experience is going and going into a room and singing one song and not being afraid to mess up or maybe recording that song and sending it to a few people. I've done that before.

yancy

Mm-hmm.

Jessica

Let me take the steps that I need to take because we're not all blessed with all the support and encouragement. Like I have a ton of support and encouragement, but I just mean we don't always have it coming from the people that we want it from.

yancy

mm-hmm

Jessica

especially professionally.

yancy

Yes.

Jessica

So I don't know what the point of it.

yancy

I had like a little artist catch up with a neighbor friend of ours yesterday, and which is why I keep being like, I said this yesterday. We work in the only industry that has a completely acceptable ghosting policy. Like we don't get a lot of feedback and we have to make educated decisions on what to do next without

Jessica

Mmm.

yancy

much direction. All you have is like, Oh, that felt like a step in the right direction. That's all you have. And if you feel that, that's like, that's the gold. And sometimes you just got to keep doing it.

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

yancy

And you just gotta keep singing until, you know, the next time you do it, maybe you'll still be nervous, but you'll be like, oh, this is kind of fun. Like, you know, like you start to move into a different space with it.

Jessica

I think I just really have to get back into an acting class this summer is the answer.

yancy

Ah, do it. It's so good. I don't know what it is about that. It's just with acting, I don't know why it's so much easier for me to embrace this with watching other actors, but it's everybody, it's your version of the thing, you know? And everybody's version is different and everybody's version is interesting. And it is so much easier for me to forget that in other disciplines, but for whatever reason, watching actors, you're like, oh, that also worked, that was also cool. Yeah, I don't know, I think it's really special. I mean, it's, you know, it's still vulnerable. It still can feel crazy, but I think that's actually true. That sentiment is true, no matter what you're working on, but I do, I love an acting class for being like, I'm a human, here's my human version of this human thing. And that's it.

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

Jessica

Yeah, definitely.

yancy

You know, like there are things to work on, but to me, that's like a big part of the beauty of the whole thing. Whereas like dance, you know, we trained technically for so long. I still, I really do feel that way with dance. Like I'm like, this is my stamp. There's no avoiding that I'm the one performing these steps. But you train for a long time to technically execute some things the same. And so then it's like the journey of finding yourself in that.

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

yancy

Like for me, it happened backwards. Like I worked hard technically, and then I found myself inside of it later. I guess I started knowing myself, and then there was like a moment of just training, and then I brought me back, you know? But I don't, I feel like it's impossible to do that with acting, because you're you already, you can't hide.

Jessica

Mm hmm. Yeah. if you hide it just looks fake and you can catch the acting. Yeah. You're like, I see you acting. Yeah. I even talking about that, I think the last acting class I took was the genre class. I think she renamed it now, but I think that was over two years ago actually. And even thinking back, I remember how fulfilled I felt, how present I was. And the most, Sometimes I get in my head because I'm like, why can't I be present? Why can't I feel grateful to be here? Why am I ruminating? I get so in my head. And I look back on the moments of my life when I was most present and most fulfilled and most ecstatic and electric and energized. And they are all in a performance setting, not just on stage, certainly on stage for sure but also when I was at Steps taking the beginner ballet class and then the intermediate class and taking an online Zoom class with Heidi. And I took this amazing, my first acting class was foundations in acting with Matt Hetherington, who, oh my gosh, that just made me completely fall in love with being exactly where I was. It was like six hours every Saturday or something crazy and I for not one second was thinking of anything outside of the room. That's very rare for me. Yeah.

yancy

Cool. Mm-hmm, which is a gift. I mean, but like these days, when our attention spans are under attack, that's such a gift. That's an amazing, that's what I love about going to the theater too, it's like my phone goes in my bag and I'm not thinking about it for while I'm sitting in the, you know.

Jessica

Mm-hmm. Yeah. I want to just close off with one more anecdote. I know that the trend, I really turned it on... No, I was going to say that it's the most that I've been talking about my own stuff out of these episodes, but I will never forget I had, as we all know, such a troubling time in college for many reasons. And I will never forget...

yancy

Yeah, I know this one is so long. You can edit some of my long answers down.

Jessica

being backstage before one of our performances and we're about to go on and I was so high and the adrenaline and the joy, the joy, joy was so overwhelming and I closed my eyes and I said to myself, never forget this moment, never forget this feeling because this is what you are meant to do and always fight for this. And then the second I would go back into class on Monday morning, that feeling was gone and I only had the memory of that. So that's something that I really want to remember for myself and I wanna encourage everybody listening to remember for their individual selves. Remember those moments where you have felt the most you, the most fulfilled, the most ecstatic and...

yancy

Thank you.

Jessica

look around at your life and be curious about why that doesn't exist for you more. And if it does, then great. And if it doesn't, how can you bring more of those moments into your life? How can you not let fear and your experiences dim that possibility for you? How can you live in that more? I don't know the answer, but we'll keep it as a question.

yancy

Mmm.

yancy

I love that. The time stop moments.

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

yancy

The Minute zero. Yeah.

Jessica

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well I think this is the perfect closing point. I love you so much.

yancy

I love that. Oh my gosh, that's so mutual. Wowie wow. Thanks for.

Jessica

So much. Also, the funniest thing is the last time I saw you was I was sitting on the subway. I was in the city for one day. Yeah, I was randomly in the city for one day. I'd been out of town for months. I came in for a birthday and I'm sitting on, oh my gosh, what's the word? In a car, in a subway car, on a seat in the subway car and the doors...

yancy

Oh my god, that's right. Yes, the concert. I was like, at that lunch? No, yes, right. The subway. Oh god, I'm so crazy.

Jessica

open and I see Yancy, but then she like goes around to the other car. She doesn't see me. And I was like, holy shit. And I got up and I sprinted around and I just went right in and stood beside her. Because honestly, like I love scaring people, but you can't do that in New York. You can't like go frighten someone or touch someone in New York because you'll get punched or yeah, you can't do that. So I just went and stood right next to her and waited for her to look at me. And she just like

yancy

Yeah, on the subway.

Jessica

is so sweet. So she thinks it's a stranger coming up too close to her. And she just turns and smiles at me and then looks away and then looks back really quickly. And we had what, like one stop together. And then that was it.

yancy

I know it was quick. I mean, it was, I think I got on at third av and we got off at Bedford maybe. So yeah. Yeah, that was so funny. The double take. How was the concert? Were you going on a concert? I know, I love that.

Jessica

Mm-hmm.

Jessica

That's the stuff that only happens in New York. Oh yeah, we went to the Sammy Ray concert for my friend's birthday. Yeah, it was really fun. I had never heard anything before. I was just going to be a pal and I loved the music. The only downside is that I can't really fuck with concerts sometimes because I can't see anything when everyone's standing. So I was definitely enjoying people watching.

yancy

is so fun. Love Sammy Ray.

Jessica

Like there were some very active, interesting people around me and I was watching that. And that was interesting to have and then like listening to the music.

yancy

Yeah. Oh my God. You're a very good sport. It's hard to not be able to see. Okay, good.

Jessica

It was fun though, it was a really fun night. Yeah, yeah, I mean, you know, being short, you know. It's a tough life.

yancy

The woes. I'm not sure, but I did recently, I won't say which show I saw, but I saw a show last week, and I was in the worst seat I have ever been in my life. And I still enjoy the experience. But it is like, you have to really like, you commit to being like, I'm gonna enjoy this. I choose to enjoy this.

Jessica

Yeah, people were trying to help me like, oh, move here. There's a little crevice. I'm like, y'all, you enjoy yourself. I'm fine. I'm enjoying my company. I'm enjoying people watching. The music's good. It's a nice night. It was outside. One of my friends offered to put me on his shoulders, which was so nice, but then I thought I'm not going to ruin it for 30 people behind me. I'd rather just suffer.

yancy

Yeah.

yancy

Not here's a little crevice. They're like crawling to this cra.

yancy

Oh, they can move around. I'd be more like, oh my gosh, how long can I sit up there on his shoulders?

Jessica

He's like, he's a, yeah, he could handle it. He was, yeah, yeah. He is strong. I feel like he would have been fine, but yeah, I would have done it for like a song and then felt bad.

yancy

Oh, he's thick. He's broad. Okay, that's good, that's important.

yancy

Good for him. He ate his Wheaties.

I think that's how I do it for like 30 seconds. I'd be like, okay, thanks. I'll go down, thank you, that was so nice, thanks. Yeah, okay, well, that was very thoughtful of you.

Jessica

Yeah, that was fun. Love the view. Yeah.

Jessica

Well, now we're actually gonna leave. This is what happens when we talk to. We're like, okay, we gotta go, we really gotta go. Okay, two hours later. Okay, so we're gonna go.

yancy

Okay. I know it's only re recorded the first 40 minutes of signing on and signing off. My microphone was.

Jessica

Oh my gosh. I do have some of it recorded, so maybe we'll put it in the blooper reel. All of our countdowns. We had, I think, four or five countdowns. Five, four, three, two, one. Yeah, it's very exciting. Yes. Okay, I love you. Have a great... Yeah, see you. See you sometime. You know? See you around. See you around town. See you on the subway. Bye.

yancy

Love a blooper reel.

yancy

Yeah, it was exciting. Like Groundhog Day.

I love you, I'll see you later.

yancy

See you around.

Cool. We love town. We love the subway.

Jessica Altchiler - Outro

Thank you so much for listening to this podcast. It's a dream come true to share these stories with you. And I hope that there's something that you can take away that betters your life. We'll see you next time.